Like a rocket to the sky

Goodbye

Logan, by the time you read this I will be gone. I can’t live with myself knowing that the whole time I'm here; I'm putting you all in danger. I couldn’t do that. After everything that’s happened with Kat, it’s made me realise how selfish I'm being by staying here so that’s why I'm leaving. I'm sorry. Please say goodbye to the other boys and please tell Tom and Nathan that I love them and please tell Nath that there is nothing he could do that would have made me stay. Send my best wishes to Kat and look after her, she deserves the best and I know you can give that to her. please don’t come looking for me, it’s better for everyone this way. Goodbye.

Beth XOXO

I folded the note and left it next to a sleeping Logan, wiping the tears falling from my eyes. I sent my mum a text telling her that I'm coming home and I will explain later before going to the flat to pack my things. I grabbed all the bags and everything I needed and left.

I got home about 3 hours later and let myself in, I still had a key and I didn’t want to wake anyone up. I put my bags down in the hallway and went into the kitchen, the light was on so I'm guessing mum got my text and is awake. “Mum?” I called quietly as I walked into the kitchen, “I'm in here honey” she called back. I walked through the living room and into the kitchen where she was sitting at the table in her dressing gown drinking tea. “I'm so sorry for waking you up but I didn’t know where else to go” I said, “oh be quiet, your always welcome here. It’s still your home” she smiled softly, “thanks mum” I smiled back, “now tell me what’s happened” she patted the table opposite her so I sat down and began the long story.

I woke up the next morning with sore eyes and a massive headache. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, looking over at the clock, 1:30 pm, wow I well over slept. Wait.. no nightmares. Maybe this is what I needed after all, just being home in my safe zone. I climbed out of bed, slipped on my bed socks and grabbed my phone, knowing id probably have loads of texts and missed calls from the boys and girls. Yep, 210 all together. I feel awful for leaving them but no where near as much as I would if I let them get hurt because of me.

I put my phone back on my nightstand and headed downstairs for breakfast. “morning honey, breakfast?” mum asked, “yes please” I sighed, “your doing the right thing honey, they’ll understand” she tried to comfort me but it didn’t work. “Actually, I'm not very hungry, I'm going back upstairs” I said and left again to go back upstairs.

2 weeks later and I haven’t left my room, mum has brought me drinks and food which I’ve picked at but I just don’t know what to do with myself anymore. Christmas is coming up and I need to go out and get presents for mum and dad so I'm going to head out today. I threw on my grey jack wills sweatpants, a black t-shirt and Nath’s hoody that he had left at he flat that I brought with me, threw my hair into a messy bun and put on my sunglasses and my black converse and headed out to the town.

I visited most of the shops there and bought my mum a beautiful purple heart necklace, some chocolates, a fairy ornament and a new purse and I bought my dad some t-shirts, a watch and a new coat. I still bought presents for the others back in London so I bought a new dress for Kelsey with matching shoes, a top and a jacket for Tom, a charm bracelet for Sophie, an avatar t-shirt and some new socks for Jay, a Man City mug and a hat for max, a picture frame and a necklace and matching earrings for Jodie, a dressing gown and slippers for Nareesha, some candles and a new duvet cover set for Siva, some tops and a hat for Logan, a hat and a new watch for Nath and I bought Kat a beautiful charm bracelet with two charms- one with a kitten on it and one that matched mine which was half of a heart. I decided I would send the presents over to their houses so I didn’t run the risk of seeing them and making this any harder. I would also write a note in each of their Christmas cards to tell them everything they need to know. I picked up some cards and wrapping paper so that I wouldn’t have to go out again.