The Real Reason.

I Am Fighting.

I told. I told my deepest and darkest secret to my closest friend. We were like sisters and she told me she wouldn't tell anyone. She said she understood me. She also lied.

I told her about my babysitter, my family and my life. I told her about everything. Granted I shouldn't have been so naive, but I still believed my only friend. After all I was the one that stuck up for her when she was the one on the ground, when she was the one being laughed at for her purple and pink hair.

She broke my heart even more than it already was and made me trust a little less. To this day the memories of those halls, those names and those stares still haunt me when I think back to them.

She told them all, every one of those kids that used to laugh at my stupid jokes, the ones who talked to me during class and all the guys that I played games with during gym. She traded me in so she could be at the top, so she could be at the center of attention and no longer me. But I didn't like the attention I would freeze up and I would worry if they actually liked me or not.

She told them and they all stopped talking to the freak, they stopped talking to the stupid girl who was shoved around and the girl that didn't eat lunch, breakfast or diner. They made fun of me for dropping my books or walking in late to class because I had just begged my mom to not let me go, to take me away.

Then it got worse, if possible. They threw food at me, wrote mean things on my locker in sharpie and began to push and trip me on the bus. I remember being on the bus, listening to my music and when I got up to get out a girl put her foot out and I tripped, landing on my stomach and it hurt to sit straight for a week, but I took it with a grain of salt and I never said anything. Until they went too far.

I was walking down the hall, ignoring the pushes and shoves. I was clutching onto my book-bag and I didn't dare to lose the fake smile that was plastered onto my face, I didn't dare to show that what they said hurt me. It went by normal till I got to my locker, written in black marker was "Bitch" and I sighed before looking behind to see my old friend and her little group of new friends laughing at me. I Just ignored it until it finally got to lunch, I had only half a day left. I pushed away my tray of food and looked around at the table I was sitting at, and I was alone of course. Some kid walked by and said freak as he passed, I ignored it and waited for lunch to end.

Then it hit the last period of the day and I couldn't have been happier. I walked out of the locker room in my regular clothes; I gave up on gym a long time ago after I was told by a girl in my class that it was unfortunate that they didn't carry a size triple X for my fat ass. I walked over to my spot and sat down, ready for the day to end.

As I sat there, looking around the room three girls laughed as they walked by. I didn't pay any attention to them; I knew that if I did I would just feel worse about myself. They got louder, and louder and louder to the point where I just covered my face in my hands and felt my throat close. That wasn't even the worst.

They walked over to me, as I sat against the wall, watching all the friends play with each other and laughing like they had no care in the world when a ball came flying at my face. I shouted and ducked only to be nearly hit by another basketball. I kicked them away and looked over to the group of girls who were laughing as guys continued to miss their baskets and nearly hit me.

This went on for what felt like hours until the coach yelled for clean-up. I went to the room, grabbed my bag and left as quickly as possible so I could sit back in my spot. As I sat there I looked at my hands and covered them farther with my sleeves and ignored the thumping of the steps that I heard. They were just so loud. If only I had known.

The girls from before, all three of them, walked up to me and stopped before me with their faces all smiling and evil, per the usual. The girl on the left scoffed as she kicked my foot and I sighed before putting another smile on my face.

I asked her if I could help her with anything and she frowned before bending down to my level and screaming in my face the words that I kept hearing zoom around me. Everyone stopped to watch this girl scream at me, even the teachers that were talking away in the corner.

She screamed and stomped, kicked my legs and screamed more. She told me I was worthless, I was stupid, I was ugly, I was a freak in every sense. She asked why I was even hear and I responded with an answer I didn't even know that I knew I was thinking of.

I said "I don't know."

And just like me my mind, heart and soul broke. I got from my spot and walked past her and straight through the doors. Every day after that I didn't bother to smile, to laugh or to try and act like what they said didn't hurt, because it did and I was done pretending everything was okay.

I stopped talking to my family, my oldest friend and I spent all my days in my room crying, reading, writing and trying everything I could to take my mind off the world around me.

I'm not saying that no one is perfect and that everyone is perfect. I am saying all that we can be is us and that is the best the world is going to receive. So as I told myself as I cried myself to sleep every night. I may be broken, but I am still here. I am still willing to fight, thrive and survive for the people in my future that I know one day I could make happy. I am fighting for all of those who lost their battles and for those who are wounded. I am fighting for me.