Numb[l.r.h]

.10

When Pamela was five, she went with her family to go see fireworks on the fourth of July. It was all so exciting and wonderful seeing and hearing the fireworks.

That feeling times five is the best way to describe what she was feeling. Her hands gripped onto Luke's cheek and shoulder as she held onto him for dear life. Every inch of her skin that he touched tingled in the best possible way. She never wanted it to end, but sadly she needed to breathe. And so they both pulled apart, breathless, and looked into each other's eyes.

Then it hit her. How could she let herself get this far?

"I need to go." She blurted out running to the front door and grabbing her shoes. Luke stood there speechless as she ran out the door and slammed it shut.

Her heart was still pounding in her chest as she pulled out of his driveway trying to get the feeling of his lips on hers out of her head.

On the drive home she was still watching the kiss play out in her mind. Her stomach erupted in butterflies when she pictured his beautiful blue eyes looking into hers. How could this happen?

Pamela pulled into her house and walked in. Her dad was passed out on the couch near the door. He must've fallen asleep after he called her. Walking upstairs to take a shower, a wave of sadness flushed over her.

Luke would never truly like her for who she was. Who could? She was just setting herself up to get hurt. 

Although he would never like her, it still took a while for her heart to calm down from its rapid beating. She shouldn't have let him kiss her, he'll just leave her.

She stepped into the shower and let her frustrating thoughts calm down as she relaxed. But before long, something else popped into her mind causing a trail of endless arguments in her head. That was her first kiss.

The next morning, Pamela was dreading school more than usual. She'd have to see Luke. The drive was filled with anxious tension. Her dad had been quiet when he woke up and stayed in his room the rest of the night. Pamela hoped he'd find himself someday, the part of him he lost when her mom died.

Ashton was waiting at her locker when she arrived.

"Hi, Pam." He said with a large smile on his face.

"Hi, Ashton." She produced a fake smile as she opened her locker and started to unpack.

"Do you want to do something on Thursday?" He asked sweetly.

"Ashton-" She was about to tell him she didn't want to hang out with him like that anymore but Luke appeared next to her and started to unpack. "That'd be great."

"Great! Where do you want to go? Hi, Luke." Ashton said all in one breath. Luke mumbled a hello. All Pamela could think about was his delicate lips on hers. "Pam?"

"Oh, sorry. You can choose. I don't care." She said distractedly. Ashton rambled about a certain restaurant he had in mind. "That sounds fun. I'll see you later!"

She left to go to homeroom, too flustered by Luke's presence. Pamela didn't want to turn down Ashton in front of Luke. Luke would've gotten the idea that she liked him and not Ashton. Which she did, but she didn't want him to know that. Things were getting complicated.

"Are you and Ashton a thing now?" Luke asked her, sitting beside her. The morning announcements started, giving Pamela the excuse to not talk to him just yet. After they were over Luke turned to her and said,"Please answer me."

"Luke, I don't want to talk about it." Pamela snapped although she wasn't angry at Luke, she was angry at herself. She let all of this happen in her last year of high school. She let a boy into her life. A light haired, lip pierced, blue eyed boy that made her have something to look forward to when she woke up in the morning. "I can't do this."