Numb[l.r.h]

.12

"Pamela, wake up!"

She groaned loudly at the annoying voice that hurt her head. Figuring that whoever it was would go away, her eyelids remained closed as she tried to fall back asleep.

"Get the fuck up!" The voice yelled. Suddenly, a light was shone on her face, and her eyes flew open. They immediately closed as she looked directly into the light. Her head pounded intensely from the loud voice and the light that blinded her. "You took my vodka? Shit, that was all I had left."

The sound of footsteps went out of her room and down stairs. The memory of Luke flashed in her mind as well as the rest of the miserable night. Pain etched its way into her heart as she wished he was here with her to help her through the situation she created. At this point she wasn't sure if she had made the right decision which was blocking Luke out instead of letting him in. She put her face in the pillow and screamed as loud as she could.

Luke

He woke up with a light shining in his eyes, making it impossible to see. He sat up in his bed and remembered what had happened. His chest hurt from the realization of knowing that the girl he was in love with didn't feel the same way towards him. 

She hadn't said anything about liking him in any way. Not to mention that she had played Ashton as well. Then, Luke thought back to the kiss they had shared a few weeks back. She had kissed him back, that he was sure of, but why did she go out with Ashton? Luke wished his sad questions would dissolve into nothing, so he could go one second without thinking of her.

"Pamela." Even her name sounded like home. At the same time that six letter name gave a tug on his heart. When did he fall in love? He couldn't remember the exact moment he had known. He thought over the possibilities.

Was it when they were bickering about their favorite Red Hot Chili Peppers song? At one point she had gotten so fed up with him that she gave him this smile that made his insides twist and turn. But was that it?

Or maybe it was when she was talking about her day to him, and all he could think about was how great her voice sounded rolling off her tongue. That still didn't feel right.

Luke gave up on the thought, deciding to get back to it when he felt like he could pull his other endless thoughts together. Finding enough strength in his emotionally drained body, he pulled himself out of bed and walked down stairs. The smell of bacon hit his nose, and a smile found its way onto his tired face.

He ran down the stairs and right into the kitchen. There, in front of the pan filled with bacon, stood his mother. At that moment, she turned around, and a smile formed on her lips as well. They both ran to each other and hugged away all their emptiness at least for the time being.

"I missed you so much." Luke breathed into her ear as he tightened his grip around the teary-eyed mother.

"Oh, Lukey, I missed you even more." She said thoughtfully. He smiled into her hair. Once they felt like they had gathered enough of each other, they pulled apart. Luke began setting the table while helping make some scrambled eggs. Once breakfast had been made, they both sat down to eat across from each other. "What's new?"

Luke took a deep breath, but as he did so he felt the sad, emptiness settle into his chest in the most unsettling way. "There's a lot actually. I don't feel like talking about it just yet. How was your trip?"

She gave him a look that meant he would tell her about what has happened to him. "My trip was very boring. I had to fly into New York again. The traffic there is terrible! I don't ever remember traffic being that bad back home." His mother kept talking about her week-long trip as he partially listened. It wasn't long before his mind was drifting to the love of his life. "Are you okay, honey?"

"What? Oh, I'm fine." He told the biggest lie ever, for he was not fine at all. She nodded her head before cleaning up the table. "I have to go to work."

She sighed at his statement, obviously wanting to spend more time with her son. "Alright. I'll clean up the rest of the dishes, you can go to work."

"Thanks, Mama." He said as he kissed her on the cheek. In order to not be late, he ran up the stairs and quickly changed into some random band shirt and skinny jeans, although he nearly fell on his face because while he pulled on the skinny jeans he was also trying to walk to the door. Rushing to the music store, he passed Pamela's street and found himself looking down it to see if she was home.

For a split second he saw her car sitting in the street. His heart skipped a beat as he thought of their close proximity. Then, he realized that their distance at the moment was so much further away than when her lips were on his, and his heart ached. Still, the thought of her sleeping face filled his mind making him feel like having her with him was a need.

He finally arrived at the music store, taking his mind off of his most addictive drug. With only a minute until his shift started, he quickly unlocked the front door and walked in. Immediately, he saw Pamela grabbing a Red Hot Chili Peppers cd and inserting it in the cd player. This vision was just a memory, though, and Pamela was in fact not there. He decided to put her favorite album on to fill the dreadful silence.

He sat down on the same stool he had given her while she did her calculus homework with him to keep him company. She also came with him sometimes for help, because Luke was very good at math.

Since no one buys anything from the music store at eight in the morning, Luke found himself staring sadly at the door waiting for someone to take his mind off of her.

From day one she has had walls built up, and Luke hoped that what happened the night before was caused from her walls and not from the possibility of her not liking him. He knew he was selfish, and him loving her was not nearly as important as her mental health, but he couldn't help it. He wished for her to be happy, and he knows that she isn't- at least not fully.

He decided to write a letter to her. Maybe it would take away some of his thoughts and questions that burdened him. Luke found a piece of paper and a pen, and finding his strength he began writing. It took him an hour or two, in-between helping the occasional customer. It was crazy how many words he had to say to her, but he could not face her. He folded the letter and stuffed it in his bag, deciding if it would be given to her. After a few moments, he figured it would be best if she didn't see it.

Pamela

After she took a couple Advil, she hopped in her car and drove to the music store. She didn't know what she was doing at this point. The car ride was barely five minutes, so she parked and was about to get out when she saw him. He was writing something on a piece of paper, and no one was in the store. Her heart hurt just watching him. He looked so focused on what he was writing, and of course she wanted to see it. She would read anything that came from him.

Instead of disrupting him, Pamela decided that it would be for the best if she just left. So, she turned her car back on and pulled out of the parking lot. Before she drove away, she looked at the boy sitting at the counter. 

As she drove away, she thought to herself, this is the boy I'm in love with.