Heartbreak Girl

Moving on.

I stood taking deep breaths before I rang the Hemmings' doorbell. It was the same house, the same front step and the same doorbell, yet it felt different. As I listened to the chiming on the other side I wondered why I was always the first to try and sort things out. Why was it always me waiting on Luke's doorstep for answers?

That thought struck me and before the doorbell could finish its tune I had turned around and was walking back up the drive. The gate creaked open and I looked up to see Jack walking towards me. He smiled a little but shifted nervously. "Hey."

"Hi."

"Have you sorted things out with Luke yet?"

"No I haven't seen him yet." He looked at me confused, obviously thinking I must have been inside to be walking the other way. "No-one answered." He nodded.

"So...I'm guessing you don't know then?" Now it was my turn to look at him confused.

"Know what?"

"I'm moving away, just for a bit, I got offered a job up north." I could feel my heart pumping quickly in my chest, like I was going to have a panic attack or something. My head was spinning quickly and I could hear every sound like it was trapping me. I started to breathe heavily. "Away?"

"Are you okay Maya?"

"Is it....Is it my fault...are you...moving because of me?"

"Maya?" He jogged towards me and placed one hand on my back, the other on my chest, covering my own hand. "I'm fine, I'm fine."

"It's not your fault I got offered the job before yesterday and I decided to take it, are you sure you're alright?"

By now I was doubled over, my hands resting on my knees as he spoke. Each breath was getting harder to inhale and I was trying my hardest to take deeper breaths to slow my beating heart. I wasn't a stranger to panic attacks but once they started they were difficult to stop.

"What can I do Maya?"

"Nothing, just everything is getting too much."

"Okay okay, calm down come with me." He lead me inside and sat me down on their sofa while I tried my hardest to relax and do 7/11 breathing like I was taught to. Jack kept rushing in and out of the room with various items like glasses of water until my breathing became fairly normally.

"Jack everything's messing up, and it's my fault. I should never have fallen for Luke, I wish we were still best friends. Now because of me he has to lose you and I lose him. It's not fair."

"None of this is your fault Maya and I'm sorry I put you in the middle of this. I didn't know you and Luke were a thing."

"Well we're not anymore, apparently he hooked up with someone else yesterday." He stroked the hair out of my eyes and crouched down to look up at me. "I don't think he would have done that Maya he really does love you."

The front door slammed and he jumped away from me. Luke walked in and looked between us both. "You move on fast."

"Jesus Luke grow up she came over here to apologise to you even though you messed around with someone else." Luke shifted nervously but didn't respond to Jack's harsh tone. "So it's true then?" My voice was so quiet I wasn't sure he heard me.

"Nothing happened."

"Well nothing happened between me and Jack but you still flipped out about it." Jack started walking towards the door and turned to face me, "I'm going to leave you two alone, are you sure you're okay Maya?" I nodded and he left.

"Okay? What happened?" Luke moved to sit next to me. "Nothing just a panic attack." His features shifted into concern. "I thought you were over that?"

"Me too, but they come back sometimes." He chewed on his bottom lip and looked around the room for a bit before turning back to me. "I promise nothing happened between me and Lacey."

"Who?"

"It doesn't matter." He shook his head and looked down to his lap while I started to talk again. "I promise nothing happened between me and Jack."

"I fucking saw you Maya."

"What you saw was him telling me he had feelings for me and me rejecting him, as a last ditch attempted he moved in to kiss me a second before you came on, it was no longer than a second, from the sounds of it you and 'Lacey' had more of a thing."

"Look I was mad at you and I wanted some way to forget everything and she was there so..."

"Luke I..."

"I want to be honest with you, she sat on my lap and kissed me, I didn't initiate anything and then she took me upstairs which was just more sitting on my lap and kissing, I stopped it because I couldn't stop thinking about you, it's always you Maya." I reached out for his hand and cupped it in my own.

"Then why is everything so complicated? Maybe we should just stay friends. Forget about everything else?"

He snapped his head up to look at me and his eyes looked so sad, like I had completely ripped his heart out. But instead of protesting he just nodded and squeezed my hand tighter.