There's So Much Pain You Know

Chapter 10- Guns For Hands

Chapter 10 - Guns for Hands

Violet's POV

I'm trying, I'm trying to sleep,

But I can't, but I can't when you all have,

Guns for hands, yeah

Sleep comes and goes for me. I either sleep for days on end or I can't sleep for weeks. After seeing Michael I have been thrown into a pit of thoughts. What would happen if Tate and I were actually alive? What would it be like to actually be married and have kids? Would life for me look up? These thoughts have made it impossible for me to function correctly. Ben has tried to get me out of my room but I never agree to it.

I'm right now under all the blankets I have blaring Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness by Smashing Pumpkins. Just listening to Billy Corgan voice has helped me find some silence from the fight between my mind and my body. I grab the little bottle of Vodka from under the bed and took a sip from it. Also since I have seen my little brother I have taken up drinking. It's the same everyday, drink, drink, drink again. And now I can't tell the difference between reality and my thoughts. I keep on seeing Tate, in his green striped sweater, his blue jeans with holes where his knees bend. His shaggy blond hair a mess and his eyes bloodshot. And the scary thing is, is that I think that it's real. That he is actually in the corner of my room right now. But I know that it's just the alcohol taking it's effect on me again.

Tate's POV (yep bitches he's back)

Seeing Violet like this is killing me. She still thinks that I'm gone, that I left her but I can never do that. I love her too much to do that to her. I know how sad she is when I'm gone. I'm right now in the corner of her room, seeing her take sips of the vodka that is under her bed while listening to Smashing Pumpkins. Her hands shake as she brings the glass bottle to her pale chapped lips. Lips that I want to kiss so badly. Once In The Arms Of Sleep fades away she looks up and makes eye contact with me.

"I know that you aren't here Tate. I know that it's the Vodka taking effect. You passed over, you're dead and I don't know why I believe that you are here still. It might be because it seems to insane for you to leave or it might be because I still love you with all my heart." She says, breaking my heart a little by each word that comes out of her mouth.

"No Vi I'm still here." I whisper. I get up from the ground that I found myself sitting on, underneath the chalkboard that at one point had my confession of my love for her on, now blank. I start slowly walking to her bed, putting up my hands and touching the blanket at the end of the bed.

"SHUT UP!!" She yelled. She gripped her greasy blond locks of hair and started pulling from it. Finding herself curling into a ball and trying to get as far away from me as possible. I get onto the bed and crawl over to her. Pulling her into my arms as she cries. She sobs and sobs into my shoulder and grips on my sweater as I just rub my hands in circles on her back, whispering sweet nothings into her ear, kissing the top of her head till she falls asleep.

Violet's POV

I see Tate in the corner as I grab another swig of the alcohol.

"I know that you aren't here Tate. I know that it's the Vodka taking effect. You passed over, you're dead and I don't know why I believe that you are here still. It might be because it seems to insane for you to leave or it might be because I still love you with all my heart." I slurred. I feel the tears prickle in the corner of my eyes, while I feel the alcohol trying to come back up.

He gets up and starts walking towards my bed, "No Vi I'm still here," he whispered. I find myself curling into a ball while grabbing my hair

"SHUT UP!!" I yelled trying to stop my thoughts from convincing me in this fantasy that he is still here. He's not here Violet, it's just your imagination. He gets onto the bed and grabs me and pulls me into his grasp. By then I know that he is still here. That Tate never left. I finally let my tears fall and then they become sobs while pulling him as close to me as possible. While all of this is happening, and I'm breaking down, he justs rubs my back and whispers loving words in my ear. Which in the end I finally fell asleep, letting my body win over my mind.

Once I wake up it's dark. I feel arms around my waist and I freak out for a second before I remember what happened. It's very foggy at first but then it becomes instantly clear once I hear his voice.

"You okay Vi?" Tate mumbles.

"Ya, I'm okay now." I said. I turned over so then I am facing him. I find myself running my fingers through his hair, feeling the softness of his hair.

"I can't believe that you are here." I whispered. My hand dropped from his hair and I looked down, feeling my cheeks heat up for that I'm only in his old shirt and underwear. His hand finds it's way under my chin and lifts my head so I'm looking him in the eye.

"I can never leave you Vi. My love for you is stronger than any other feeling, than the grasp of death itself." He said, and slowly, ever so slowly, his lips collided with mine. And I felt that spark. That energy that I have grown to need over the years. The love we have is stronger than any metal, any material, it's stronger that the world itself.

AN:

So... I updated... School is a bitch and my best friend is going through shit. So sorry it took so long but I do pay attention to the votes, the comments and the reads on this story and it warms my heart that people still read this even though I suck at updating. I love you all and I still have a few more chapters after this.

Love ya, Nikki xx