Although it's the First Time

Chapter Twenty-five: Confession

I blinked multiple times in response. Again, I really wasn't sure how to react.

Back then, an apology would've been nice, but after years have passed an apology was really... nothing.

I wasn't particularly hurt or angry at him anymore, but that small event had changed me in many ways. Obviously, trusting people didn't come easy anymore, but I had learned to be stronger. It changed me for better and worse...

For a long while, I continued to just look into his regretful grey eyes. Finally, he looked away and down at his palms.

"I felt horrible," he started. "I regretted everything I had done. How I used you, played with your feelings and acted so immaturely. I didn't even apologise!"

A long silence fell upon us again as he stopped talking and I continued to just stare in response. I really wasn't sure about how to react or what to say.

"I—But I changed! You were the last. I stopped playing with girls and seriously rethought my actions."

What am I supposed to do? It's been so many years since then. It was obvious that he'd changed— matured, but so have I. Many things had changed since then. I was no longer an angsty teen and he no longer a high school playboy, but one thing that definitely hadn't changed was how I felt toward him.

Suddenly, he turned to face me and snatched my hands, grasping them tightly in his own. His sparkling grey eyes looking at me hopefully.

"I also realised how much I didn't regret taking you to the cove. How much I didn't regret taking you to the festival... How I never, not for a second, regretted kissing you at the top of that Ferris wheel," he gave my hands a gentle squeeze as my brows furrowed in confusion.

Why wouldn't he regret taking me on the same date that he'd taken so many other girls on? I thought to myself. Shouldn't he feel bad for treating me like an object? For making me just another piece in his game?

A small smirk began to lift the ends of his lips as he shyly looked down at our linked hands.

"Because that day, I realised how much I truly like you," he chuckled nervously like an adolescent. "You have no idea how excited I was to see you again after so many years."

I shook my head slowly. "It's been 10 years. You shouldn't bring up old feelings. Especially because you're already mar—"

"Their not old feelings," he sighed heavily. "I- Honestly, I saw you again. Multiple times after you left."

I raised my eyebrows and pulled my hands away. Oh gosh! Was he stalking me?

Resting his elbows on his knees, he ran his hands through his hair. Slightly chuckling, which quite frankly, creeped me out even more.

"This must make me sound like a lunatic," he muttered into his palms. Lifting his head up, he turned to face me again.

"I'm sure you didn't even know we coincidentally were accepted into the same university," he chuckled humourlessly. "I was majoring in business. One of my classes happened to be in the building right next to the medical majors building. That's where I saw you again for the first time after 2 years." He sighed.

"I wanted to approach you, but I just didn't know how to, or if I should. So I guess you could say, I watched you from afar. But not in a creepy way!" He shook his head frantically to make his point. "It was simply me being an idiotic kid with a crush." I nodded to assure him I understood.

"After high school I continued to play baseball on the college club team. Then one day, during our third year there, a scout came and offered me place to play on their official team with a chance of being scouted for a professional team. Obviously, I took the opportunity and transferred schools," he paused. "The day before my last day there,  I finally grew a pair and decided to talk to you. So I waited for you outside of your class, but I saw you walking with another guy... Despite how I felt for you, after seeing you with him, I couldn't bring myself to tell you. You already moved on. Who am I to take that away from you? Especially after what I'd done to you. So I left."

He hung his head low as I watched wordlessly.

"Uh, I've got to get back to work. My break is over. I trust you can find your way back to your room? Ok! Great. Bye!" I briskly walked back to the hospital without turning back.

I was running away again. Away from him. Away from my problems. Away his feelings. My feelings. But he shouldn't be confessing his feelings for me after he's already moved on.

We'd eventually have to discuss this again, as long as he's stuck on the hospital, but I'd rather avoid it while I still can.

I'm doing the right thing.
An uncourageous thing.

How was I supposed to tell him now when he's already moved on.
How do I let him know that I was also watching from afar. That I saw him that day.

"Hey! Violet!" Sam jumped onto my back.

"Whoa, you scared me," I chuckled, gripping my textbooks tighter against my chest. "What's up?"

"So, Jacob's hosting a party at his house tonight. You wanna go with me?"

"No thank you, Sam," I shrugged his heavy arm off me. Sam wasn't someone I particularly wanted to hang out with. Let alone talk with.

"Oh, c'mon! It'll be fun," he grinned. I shook my head in response.

"You rarely go out and have fun. Plus, you're only in one club. The book club," he rolled his eyes. "There's no way your going to be busy. Go out with me. We'll have loads of fun."

Again I shook my head. "Thank you, but no thank you. I want to finish this essay first. Maybe we can hang out after I finish it," I lied.

I wasn't one to lie often, but it felt necessary at this point. He obviously didn't know what the word "no" meant.

"Oh come on! It'll be really fun..."

As he continued, I zoned out and looked away. As we neared the exit, a particular face caught my eye. A familiar face in fact.

I could only see his profile as he lent against the cement wall and looked to the left. Wearing a sweater with the school's crest on it and blue jeans. Rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. A familiar sign of nervousness. He was waiting for someone.

Black hair, tall, lean. Vincent?
No, I must be imagining this. There're a million other guys in the world with the same characteristics.

The closer I got, the more familiar he became. Slightly, moving his head, I got a better view of his face... He really looked like  Vincent!

Patting Sam's shoulder to get his attention, I looked back at him.

"Hey, listen. Straight ahead. Guy in sweater and jeans leaning against the wall. Do you see him?" I asked, not daring to look back just yet.

Sam nodded. "Yeah. He plays baseball on the university's club team. Rumours around the school says a scout came about a month ago and offered him a spot on their university team. I think his name is Vincent... Roberts? Yeah! Vincent Roberts! Don't tell me you're crazed about him too?"

It's him.

I whipped my head back to see him, but he was already walking away. His head hung low and feet slightly dragging. Like he was disappointed. Sad even.

During book club I decided to bring up the topic, since everyone seemed to be talking about it already.

"Hey, did you guys hear about that Vincent Roberts boy? Did he accept the baseball offer?" I asked as casual as possible.

A new girl nodded dreamily. "He's such a stud," she sighed. "But he's leaving for L.A. tonight."