Dear Sweet Love - Phan

Fourteen.

Thursday, November 19th, 2015;
Salt. Again, and over again.
Water. Flowing from the corner of my eyes.
Crying is my own way to access relief, I guess. When I feel sad, tears come to my eyes and I'm feeling better, as tiring as it is. It replaces the empty feeling with tiredness, so that I can forget by dreaming in Morphia's cold arms. Sometimes, nightmares haunt my sleep, but I know, deep down inside, that they those are not real. They sure will frighten me to death, but it will take minutes, maybe hours. But in real life, it can send me to death, to depression, to sadness.
My knees bent, sitting in the hallway, arms crossed over my legs and my head hidden, I cried. Choking violently my pain with the waters of my relief. One hard way to peace.
I felt Dan's hand on my elbow, in the darkness, while I tried to feel better. Happier.
Then did I figure out that there's was an easiest path to joy. Dan himself, my own pain tamer. One light in the dark. I cried more violently, one thought helping my sadness, feeding it with doubt and fear.
If I had to lose him...
I felt his fingers on my pale skin, protecting my own mind to become crazy to the confusion and deception. They then made their way to my hand, leaving themselves in between mine. He pressed; twice.
The first time, it was only a reminder that he was there for me, in other words, he wanted to blind me with his light.
The second time, it was a mark of affection, a way to break my dark thoughts.
I was still shedding tears, sobs breaking my breathing with their sound of misery, but I knew Dan would help me through this cold Hell. He helped me standing up, pulling on my hand slightly. He led me in the hallway, as I watched the bluriness the tears created on the surface of my eyes, fixating on something else than my troubles. We walked towards his room, our naked feet in contact with the cold floor. A peaceful silence took place, as my sobs disappeared, only to be left a noiseless waterfall. The warmth of his hand still in mine, we arrived. Dan carefully let go, his fingers slowly coming out of my wrath, and sat on his chair on front of the piano.
He stared at me, the heat of his eyes examing my features, then looked away while his fingers ran on the keys. I felt a slight smile move my lips. 'Für Elise' of Beethoven filled the room peacefully, and even if Dan did mess up once or twice to replicate the piece, it still calmed my mind. I sat down on his bed, then completely let myself fell on it, my back resting on the grey and black blanket. I closed my eyes.
How does one man can calm me so easily?
How does one man can make me feel so peaceful?
Dan is beautiful, and I clearly don't deserve him.
I decided, when I'll get better, to become better.
To become worth of his kindness.
Worth of his affection.
Worth of all of  him.