Dear Sweet Love - Phan

Fifteen.

Hey guys! So this chapter contain a text that can offend some readers, I'm really sorry if it does, but it's not anything homophobic (I'm pansexual myselfxD), racist, sexist, well something that would make me want to stab myself! :') Thank you <3
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Friday, November 20th, 2015;

                          Homeless
I felt dirty. A disgust that she threw in the streets, something that she would forget one day near.  A bag full of garbage, ready to be burned to ashes in a factory.
And she made me fell, she made me try the unforgettable. She left, taking my happiness and my innocence with her.  And now was I homeless; her warmth was the only place I could call "my home", the only place that felt like I was being myself, and not this useless boy twisted by the laws of the Wrong and the Corrupted.
"Dan."
He turned to face me and asked:
"You finished it?"
I nodded and gave him his phone. His eyes stared at the screen for a while, then a small smile appeared on his lips.
"It is sad."
I smiled back, and looked at the wall, thinking.
After a little while, he asked:
"Is it about her?"
I straightened, surprised that he knew so much about me. I offered him a smile, and admitted:
"Yes, yes it is."
I sighed.
"I don't know why I'm not over her by now."
Dan chuckled to himself, looking at his knees while his cheeks were very apparent due to his wide smile. His eyebrows were low, closer to his sparkling eyes than usual. I could notice his dimples too. Then he looked at me, his smile fading away darkly.
"I guess you loved her more than you did with anyone else."
I stared at him, seeking for a double meaning to his answer. We were looking at each other, our gazes connected with our invisible lines of sight. His brown eyes searched through mine, and he bit his lips, like he did sometimes when he was deep in thoughts or anxious.
Then his phone rang.
He carefully took it out of his pocket. He glanced at it, then said:
"It's your mom."
I sighed deeply, my eyes now setting on the phone.
"Ignore it, please. I'm not ready to talk to her."
It rang three or four times, before stopping adruptly. Dan shrugged, then spreading his long legs so that his feet touched the ground, he stood up from the couch without difficulty. He paced to the doorframe, his head down as he shot a glance at me and said:
"Thank you for the text."
Then he disappeared in the hallway.
I smiled.
"Thank you too."
Then I looked over to my computer, feeling the satisfying feeling of inspiration left in myself, creativity teasing my mind.
I stood up and my hands now holding my MacBook filled with stickers, I decided to write once again, but without limits. Without caring, just deep thoughts I had. I got myself comfortable on the couch once again, then wrote for about 25 minutes, as I stopped sometimes to look for words in my brain that I didn't use commonly.

Parasites

Silently watching my breath becoming visible as it hits the glacial air, walking to nowhere. My feet moving in the snow, staring at their movements, the way the white rain disappeared under my shoes. The drops of damned pureness slowly falling down on the dirty ground. The cars passing by, their blinding lights provoking a faint smile creeping to my lips.
One of them isn't going to be lucky tonight. One of them will suffer my pain.
The dark buildings almost unnoticeable, like tall shadows circling the road, containing all sorts of parasites like me, like us. The foolish workers walking down to their home, passing by me without a thought. The wonderful result of the street lights reflecting on the road. The smoke flying away in the sky, slipping out of houses and homes. The pollution of our comfort going away in its mission to explode our world.
Parasites. We're all parasites.
The trees dying for our mistakes, their leaves nowhere to be seen under the sparkly blanket. This blanket that fools us into thinking that we belong in this universe. The beauty of the illusion, an unwanted rain that once freezed to the harshness of the cold.
A sigh escaping my mouth. A last tear dropping down my cheek.
One of them isn't going to be lucky tonight.
My eyes setting on the sidewalk covered with illusion at the other side, telling myself again that I didn't belong, I stepped on to my path.
One step. Two steps. One crash.
Their hazardous pain. My end.
I can hear the screams of my agony, the metallic taste of blood slipping out of my throat. My plan hasn't failed after all.
I can hear the car horns ringing in my head, can feel hands on my face, can see the blurr of pain blocking my view.
I wish I could be sorry to the one who destoyed my body, but it's just one other parasite that isn't worthy enough to live in this world of ours. I wish I could have been as foolish and ignorant as the other parasites, so that I could have lived in the illusions without knowing.
I wish I could have forget about the truth.
I wish I wasn't a parasite. I wish we could be humane once again.
But it doesn't matter anymore, as I watch a lonely snowflake disappear in my blood, this darkness all over the place. As I watch the illusion melt in the truth.
One down, so more to go.

"Dan!", I called. I heard the door of his room open and his footsteps as he walked to the lounge.
"Hmm?"
"I wrote something else."
He smiled and nodded, his brown hair all pulled back, then sat next to me. I placed my computer on his laps, and I watched his concentrated expression while he read. I noticed wrinkles on his forehead as his gaze moved fastly on the screen and strands of rebel hair fell on the side of his head. At one moment he shot a quick glance at me and smiled softly, then continued reading as I stared at him. It was the first time someone had read one of my text based on some of my opinions, and I felt a little anxious about his reaction.
When he finally finished reading, he looked away, took the computer and placed it on the floor. He then faced and stared at me. He studied my features with a confused look. A smile appeared slowly on his lips and he opened his mouth; but no words came out. He decided to lay his head in the curve of my neck instead, as I felt the warmth of his spreading in my body, making me shiver a bit.
"And all this time, I thought you were innocent, and cheery because of that, but you're as knowing as me." , he told me, almost whispering. "Or even more."
I chuckled, and admitted:
"I'm just good at keeping things to myself."
He snorted and backed away.
"I noticed that.", he told me with one eyebrow up, a sign of amusement. He then with one hand fumbled my hair, while I chuckled. He smiled.
"You look so innocent and child-like right now, are you sure this text is yours?" he asked teasingly.
I laughed and shook my head at the same time.

"Hey, it's 6 o'clock, and I'm fucking hungry. I feel like my stomach is going to eat itself then I'll die, so get your butt up, we're going at the restaurant.", Dan said out of a sudden.
"Sure, mother.", I said while rolling my eyes with a smile.
Dan laughed loudly then took my hand, pulling me to the closet, where our shoes and coats were.
>•<
I felt relieved to show Dan my texts, and I'm happy he didn't react badly to it. He really is a good friend; the best I ever had.
I like that I can give him hugs or hold his hand without him rejecting me.
I like that I can tell him anything, or almost, without him telling anyone.
I like that he makes me happy, with his sarcasm and his weird jokes.
I just want to live with him forever.