Dear Sweet Love - Phan

Seventeen.

Tuesday, December 1rst, 2015;
Phone call with mom, November 29th;
Mom: "P-phillip?"
Me: "Hello."
Mom: "Are you okay? Are you still mad at me? What can I do to help? Please, I'm sorr-"
Me: "I'm okay, mum."
Mom: "I beg you, please forgive me."
Me: "Mum, I swear to God, I'm not the Lord or something! I'm not going to choose if you go to Heaven, Hell or whatever you know."
Mom: "Sorry."
Me: "Stop."
Mom: "I just..."
Me: "It was your own mistakes! If you decided to screw another man than dad, it's not my buisiness. If you decided to live with one other's children and treat them like they were yours, it hurts, but it's still not my things. If all you told me when I was a kid wasn't true, it's sad, but still. I'm just tired of you pretending nothing happened and we had a pretty family life when I and Marty were kids."
Mom: "He knew."
Me: "What? Who did?"
Mom: "Your father. We broke up when you and Martyn were toddlers."
Me: "W-what do you mean?"
Mom: "We just wanted you boys to be happy... To have a normal life... So-"
Me: "Do you mean that you guys pretended... You guys..."
Mom: "....we pretended to be together until you both grew up, and were able to accept that families sometimes break."
Me: "You..."
Mom: "I'm so sorry... I just, I just wanted you to know the truth, even if it made you mad. And I did not cheat on your father, and would never do something like that. Ever."
Me: "Y-you... Liars... I-I'm..."
Mom: "P-phillip, I'm so sorry.."
Me: "D-did you ever thought that I'd prefer knowing that? Instead of thinking my mum was awful?! And Marty!?"
Mom: "He knows too..."
Me: "W-what?"
Mom: "I'm sorry."
Then I left. I closed my phone, threw it on my bed, and started shaking. I didn't cry; but I did felt nothing and everything at the same.
My head was comfused, all my thoughts were mixed together, and I couldn't think. But I felt my heart driving crazy and felt like I was dying. I had problems breathing, I couldn't feel anything, only my arms moving on their own, and my legs stopped working properly, and I think I fell.
Then a moment later, I was in Dan's arms, trying to focus on him only.
"Breathe Phil... Breathe.. You're having a panic attack.. It's okay. It'll be alright. Just breathe. That's what I do."
I tried to slowly inhale, but my breath was trembling and was cut off by whimpers. Dan brushed the hair off my eyes and kept telling me to breathe slowly, as I still was confused and scared against him. It was my first time having an attack.
When I calmed down, I was feeling weak, and I just wanted to sleep and forgot about everything.
"Phil, you should eat something. Sugar will help you."
I laughed.
"Get me ice cream then, servant.", I retorted with a little smile on my face.
My best friend just chuckled and got up, while I tried to understand what had just happened.
Was it true?
Did she lie?
Why did I panic?
Why was I sitting on the floor?
Wasn't I standing up two minutes ago?
Or was I already there?
Did she really call me?
Where is Dan?
What's happening?
I didn't understand a single thing that was happening. My mind was just a pile of thoughts.
Dan arrived after a little while with the whole ice cream container, that was caramel-flavoured with chunks of chocolates here and there. He was also holding unto two spoons.
"You dry titan pterosaurus, you don't need ice cream."
Dan sent me glares, and answered:
"I did buy it, didn't I?"
I snorted, my friend sat down on the floor next to me, passed me one of the utensils and we started eating silently directly in the container.
He didn't ask me why I had an anxiety attack. He just told me to get to bed, looked after me until I fell asleep and probably went away. I woke up this morning alone, but I didn't mind really, though I think I felt a little disappointed.
I have an amazing best friend, and I hope he feels the same way for me too, even if I can't look after him nowadays.
I have to think about the festive season coming too, and what gifts I'll give this year. It's colder outside too.
I still have 23 days for that at least.