Write About Me

Chapter Twenty-Four: New Identity

March 12th, 2006 - Harlem, New York

Phabiola Fenty.

"Phabi!" I heard someone call from behind me in a distance.

I ran my fingers through my bob cut jet black hair, and continued to smoke my blunt.

"Hmm?" I hummed.

I didn't know who it was, let alone did I fucking care. Today I was forced to go to school on the anniversary of Chris' funeral. Good thing his actual passing was on a weekend. Within seconds I saw Matt joining my squat down on the stoop of the project apartments. I mentally groaned, but I sucked my teeth aloud.

"You going to school today?" Matt inquired.

I blatantly ignored him, taking another drag from my blunt. Filled with none other than the best kush imported from my country to be exact. How I got a hold of it wasn't anyone's concern but my own. Only thing I had to do was hide it from my mom until next year. I'm almost a senior. I'll be eighteen next year.

So much shit is changing. I've been pulling shifts at the corner store to rack up some dollars for college. I'm not sure if I'll be gaining a scholarship or not. So, I need to be extra careful. My mother says she's got all of that covered, she'd been saving up as well. And has enough to pay for college. I don't believe she could ever rack up that much money, but if mama says so, then it's so. I finished reading the book that Chris wrote, it jerked tears from my eyes as I got towards the end. The story was so fucked up it mentally fucked with my brain. I understood the tittle as I read it.. Fairytales don't always have happy endings. Chris' didn't. Neither did mine.

I took the last inhale of the blunt, stomping out the bud with my shoe I smushed it in. The school bus pulled up. I adjusted my bookbag and commenced on to my normal seating in the front. Things have changed so much. A year ago, I died. But, the way I felt..still feel about Chris didn't. Too little too late on my part, I realized something major about myself towards Chris. Those dynamic characteristics? Were a cause of my feelings about him. Something I'd unintentionally mentally fight myself about. It reigned true. I liked Chris. I still, like Chris. Not at a means of us being just friends. I wanted Chris to be my first and only boyfriend. I wanted to hold him, kiss his lips. I wanted to be with him so badly. I just couldn't figure it out. I had feelings, still have feelings for him. And because of that, I knew I was destined to live a lonesome life. I yearned for no one's intimate companionship but Chris'. I even hated Gabriella before I knew about all of her inequities. It's been made clear to me now. Phabiola Fenty has feelings for Christopher Maurice Brown.

The bus arrived at my school, I clutched my straps walking in. Heading straight into the bathroom. The power was shut off last night, so I had no way of brushing my teeth this morning. Happy I had already taken my shower. My paycheck could only pay the rent and our cellphone bill, my mother was laid off and replaced with some new younger employee. She was desperately looking for work. Trey said he'd put a word in to his boss at Verizon but, being that my mother's stubborn and prideful she declined. That's why when I graduate I'm sending her back home. No purpose of her struggling here without a job. While I'm away in college. It was already in the works that after I graduated I'd come home, too. This place wreaked of poverty and constant reminders of Chris. Something I could no longer take.

Fleeing into the handicap stall, I pulled out my toothbrush and off brand toothpaste. Wetting their bristles under the faucet, I applied toothpaste and began to brush my teeth. Times are hard. After making sure my teeth and mouth were nice and clean, I began walking to where my first period was, way before the bell even rang. I was trying my hardest to avoid contact with any and everyone.