Write About Me

Chapter Three: Ellipses

December 22nd, 2003 - Harlem, New York

Christopher Brown.

These past two days been stressing a nigga out. Gabby, Phabi, T. Especially Gabby and Phabi. What she said really got to me. "She's a little girl you pendejo!" I looked at my sidekick, a photo of Phabi and her mom was my screensaver. The time read, it just turned eight like three minutes ago. Gabby was right though. Thinking about if I would've never said what I said..she'd still be here. We would be together for two years. I remember this like it just happened. We were actually arguing about Phabi.

"You spend less time with me, and than you do talking about and being with some thirteen year old!" Gabriella threw something sitting on my bed in fetal position forming tears.

"I spend as much time with the both of you. And I talk about you to her all the time. You need to stop trippin' b. And she ain't just some thirteen year old! You know her fuckin' name Gabriella use that shit!" I yelled back landing in my bean bag chair.

"She's just un-"

"Fortunate, I've heard that before." She cut me off.

"You and Phabi are in two different parts of my life Gab. She in my personal life, you in my love life. Understand that shit okay? Damn."

"Why don't you stop tryna be her papi all the time and be mines." Her hispanic accent came out.

I heard the bed creak and she straddled my lap. She kissed me roughly, I kissed her back, placing my hands on her waist pulling away. I really wasn't in the mood.

"All this arguing makes me wanna make up.." She licked the crown of my ear. "Don't you?" She pecked my lips.

"I'm really not in the mood.." I tapped her thigh for her to get up.

"You never resist me, until we argue about Phabi! You like that little girl don't you?" She hit my chest forcefully with her little dainty fists. For some reason I remembered, that got me mad as hell.

"What'd you say?!" I backed her up against my room wall. My jaw was clenching and she looked scared.

"I-I said y-you-"

"I heard you, but what'd you say?!" I spoke in her face.

I gripped her thighs hoisting her up on me and put her on the bed. I just remember being so angry with her. And I wanted to get it out. I attacked her neck in love bites and fatal kisses, roughly ripping her clothes off. She enjoyed that I remembered. She wanted it. Bad. She got upset cause I didn't just lay it on her. When we finally got my clothes off and put on that protection we started going at it like wild animals. I remember her screaming in Spanish at me to slow down and pull back but I was too mad. And I wanted to prove my point. She dug her pointy acrylic nails deep in my back. Scratching it up. Begging for mercy. I held her waist tight hitting it in her relentlessly. She pissed me off. But the reason I couldn't stop it was cause I was more mad at myself. Cause I was all up in her. Thinking about doing this exact same thing to Phabi once she got older. And it made me mad. She was right. I do like her. Hell I knew I liked her. I was in love with 'lil bit by now. And it made me upset. I'm disgusting. A pedophile. But I couldn't help it, that girl is amazing. Can't imagine life without her and shit. And it pissed me off.

"Por favor papi!" She screamed at me trying to run. I felt her clench around me and I lost it.

"Fuck, Phabi.." I murmured.

That's when everything stopped. She pushed me off her forcefully. Wrapping my sheets around her body. I sat up placing my face in my hands. I didn't just do that.