Write About Me

Chapter Twenty-One: Static Characteristcs

February 20th, 2005 - Harlem, New York

Christopher Brown.

Happy birthday (: deleted.

Happy birthday lil bit! deleted.

Happy sweet 16 Phabi (: deleted.

Hey-

"Whatchu' doin' man?" Trey clasped his hand to my shoulder.

I was sitting at the dinner table, early this morning. It had to be maybe almost seven. Today was Phabi's birthday. She's sixteen today. And I wouldn't even be able to tell her happy birthday because 'lil bit wants nothing to do with me. My heart felt like-I can't even describe it. A nigga has been horrible ever since she broke off our friendship. Why couldn't someone warn me that being in love with someone hurts more than any pain a nigga could ever endure? Is your heart supposed to feel like this? Are you supposed to ache like this? Your head supposed to feel like you're hungover? I just need some answers. Trey sat in front of me, on the table. Just staring. I stared back at him. We were in silence for a little minute, until I spoke up.

"Texting Phabi happy birthday..." I trailed off.

He sighed heavily, shaking his head.

"If you don't get your ass upstairs and tell her that. Fuck if you're not best friends with her anymore."

"No, she's not best friends with me. I never said shit about anything else." I retorted. Flipping my sidekick between my fingers.

It didn't matter what 'lil bit did to me. How horribly she treated me. No matter whatever happened between us, the way I felt about her never changed. I knew it could never change. The way I see her will never change. I guess it's just my static characteristics speaking. Damn, even when I don't wanna think about her I still think of her. It's probably my damn fault anyway. Mama Fenty didn't believe me when I told her my magic would wear off. I guess, I jinxed myself.

"Well, I gotta go to work. Later, though her 'lil ass don't deserve it I'm stopping by her party at Susie's. I got her something..man Phabs'll grow on you. You can come with me-"

"Nah homie I'm good. Have a good day at work though. You be safe, I love you nigga." I stood up, walking with Trey to the door.

"I love you, too jit. And thanks I'll be safe b, I appreciate it. Now give me a hug so I can get my ass outta here before I'm late and shit." Trey chuckled with his arms open.

I gave him a short hug, pulling back fast. But, he pulled me back in embracing me. Once he did that I felt a rush of waterworks take over. I never was an emotional gay-fairy shit type of nigga. But, I guess when you put Phabiola into the picture it contradicts every mother fucking thing.

"Sometimes you just need a hug. They go long ways." Trey coed into my ear stroking my back.

"Why does it hurt-"

"Because man, you got mad love for her."

I guess he was right. Nah, I knew he was right. Things have definitely changed. There was nothing a nigga could do about it. Trey headed out. I threw on my hoodie and a jacket then walked to the corner store. See what Raul's up to.

"Hey Chris, what's poppin'?"

"Never say that shit again Raul." I stale faced him.

That wasn't about it. He stay trying to be hip and shit. He chuckled dapping me over the counter inviting me back. I walked around like a civilized adult, going in the back room with him.