Secrets☆☆ Kian Lawley

27~ old friend

Hey sorry that it took awhile!
Also trigger warning in this: self harm

Zoey's pov.

"Hey Zoey, What's wrong!?" Kian says fully concerned and concentrated on me. I didn't want to tell him. Not now anyway I have 3 days to dump him and I'm not doing it now.

I just need to be alone again right now. I couldn't see Kian right now without wanting to fall down and cry. "I'm fine just feeling a little sick," I say putting in a sick face. He seemed to believe me mainly because he was a little bit tipsy.

He nodded and I said I was going to go lay down. He once again nodded and I made my way upstairs and into Kian and mine shared room. I locked the door and slid against the wood. The loud music was helping me in this situation.

No one could hear me and I could do whatever I wanted. This is all just getting too much. I can't take this pain anymore. I just don't know what to do anymore. I cry my heart out and it's starts to hurt.

I crawl over to were all my things are and I grabbed my old friend that I haven't used in a while. My razor blade. It was hiden in a secret spot in my black bag. It's been a while since I have used it but I missed it. No matter how long I stopped for I will always miss it.

I crawled into the bathroom and didn't bother locking the door. I was shaking from crying so hard and my vision was starting to blur. I ran a shaky hand through my hair and I just cried while holding my precious sharp blade.

We are all addicted to something to take away the pain. Mine just happens to be cutting. I thought I could handle all of this but I really can't. How did I go from a happy 5 year old to well...this?!

I felt the cold tiles in the bathroom and raised the blade to my soft delicate skin and made a quick clean slash like I just cut paper. I instantly felt relief and I added another cut.

One for Jack. One for having to break up with Kian. One for messing up Kians life. Another for Mark. One more for being so worthless and stupid.

Only after a short time I had a total of 10 bloody cuts on my already scarred thigh. I felt only a temporary happiness and relief. The blood raced down my legs and the bloody blade was in my shaking hands. I got a cloth and wiped it. After what seemed like 20 minutes the bleeding finally ceased.

I cleaned everything up hid my blade back in my bag and sat down hard on the bed. I just managed to hear a faint knock on the door and I got up and checked to make sure I didn't look like I was crying then I hesitantly unlocked it.

It was Ricky. He looked worried and I let him in. He walked past me and I closed the door wondering why he was here. "Zoey what's wrong. I know something is happening and I will get it out of you some way or another so let's save the arguing and just please tell me so I can try and fix it!!" he says so I could hear.

I felt like just breaking down right then. I looked at the ground not wanting to make eye contact with the worried boy. He sighs and walks up to me and I can tell he isn't drunk or even tipsy.

I couldn't tell Ricky I don't know how he would react. There was no way I was telling him about the cutting but I guess I can trust him with the Kian and Jack thing. I grab his hand and sit him on the bed. Time to explain.

"Okay well do you remember my abusive ex-boyfriend Jack?" I say started it off. He nods most likely wondering where this is going.

"Well after I left Jack I was dating my childhood lover named Matt but Jack got furious and he was threatening me saying that if I didn't leave him that he would k-kill Matt." I say in a shaky voice.

I couldn't keep it in anymore. I broke out in tears and Ricky made and worried sound and pulled me into a comforting hug. I cried into his chest and then pulled apart to continue my story.

"I thought Jack would never do something like that I thought it was a joke but I cane home and Matt was dead. Jack had shot him. Then I just got the same threat from Jack. That I'd I don't leave Kian in 3 days Jack will kill him!!!" I say getting even more angry and upset.

Ricky sat there in silence and shock trying to comprehend the information that I just sent him. I knew this wasn't good and I also knew Ricky wouldn't be talking soon unless I spoke up. "Ricky what do I do!"