swig sweg

one

"well, it's all yours" eunice the landlord said as he pulled down a ladder leading to an attic. i looked over to my best friend and fellow lizard support group co-owner formaldehyde aka dehyde.

"gurl, give him the tip." dehyde pulled out a crumpled gum wrapper and some pocket lint outta her back pocket and shoved it into eunice's crusty hand. eunice made a sigh of despair and walked away. i climbed the ladder kicking dehyde in the face on the way.

"tf. why is it so crusty in here??" dehyde said. "it's old, and cold, and full of mold."

"shut up you scraggly piece of seaweed. it's not full of mold, it's full of hopes and dreams!" i shouted.

...

we were at harreh styls's bakery tryna buy some buttery croissants. behind the counter was the real harreh styls and his employees lima pain, lewy tomlison, and naill hornan! they were eating butter.

"hi, can we get 17 of your best buttery croissants." i asked.

lewy answered, "soz, but we'd never do that. we're out of butter. and we don't have enough labor, since zen left us to make all the pastries."

"aLL I WANTED WAS 17 CROISSANTS. WHY YOU GOTTA PLAY ME LIKE THAT??" dehyde cried and ran out the door.

"you're friend is acting like a scraggly piece of seaweed." lima said.

"ikr." i said back.

...

because we failed to get any buttery croissants, we had to go to target to buy spongebob macaroni and scooby doo fruit snacks instead. while walking down the frozen food aisle dehyde and i ran into a group of four target employees. they threw a cd into our cart.

"5 seconds of summer?? summer ended 2 days ago. why they tryna play me like this??" dehyde said.

before the target workers could walk away, i threw a box of spongebob mac and cheese at the blonde kid.

"COME TO OUR SUPPORT GROUP. OPEN HOUSE IS TOMORROW NIGHT." i threw a couple of flyers at them, jumped into the cart, and dehyde pushed me away into the sunset.