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pt. 22 Stay for Tonight

The next days went by quickly, we spent a lot of time with Tyler's family and exploring parts of Columbus that were new to me. Mr. and Mrs. Joseph seemed to try and be a little more accepting of me, but I could still feel the subtle disapproval waving off of them when I was around. I tried my best to be good enough for them, but to no avail and it was the most apparent Sunday morning when we were getting ready for church.

Tyler clothed himself in a yellow button down with a blue striped tie that highlighted his eyes. I, on the other hand, didn't know we'd be going to church so I had to borrow some of Madi's old clothes. I wore a blue skirt that hit right below my knees, some sandals and a white blouse type of shirt. The skirt I wore was safety pinned at the side because it was a little too big. When I had to ask Tyler's mom to borrow Madi's old clothes, she tried to hide her disgust but I could still see it written plainly on her face.

"Well, since you didn't bring anything you'll have to wear this," she had said, handing me the outfit.

I tried not to let her tone or the way she kept glancing my way bother me but it was hard. I felt judged and like some kind of freak show when the situation wasn't even that big of a deal.

"Come here Tyler, let me straighten your tie," I said, looking at the crooked way it sat on his chest.

He sauntered over to the bed where I was sitting and I stood up to fix is very crooked neck-wear. When I was finished I laid my hands on his chest, Tyler kissed me just as his mom walked in the room to tell us it was time to go. Both of us had our eyes closed, so we didn't even know she was there until we heard her clear her throat.

Tyler pulled away from me and his cheeks grew red from embarrassment.

"We're leaving in five minutes. I don't want to see something like that again."

I almost laughed out loud at the fact that Tyler's mom still thought she could control him and control what he does. "Okay, sorry Mom," Tyler replied. After Kelly left the room I looked at him with confusion in my eyes. "What?" He asked.

"Are you really going to let your mom tell you what to do like that?"

"Uh yeah, Aurora, she's my mom."

"I know that Tyler but you're also a grown man that can make his own decisions."

"Honey, look, my mom just doesn't want to see it. There's no telling what goes on behind closed doors," Tyler shut the door to his bedroom and began advancing me.

My heart raced as backed me up toward the wall and started hungrily kissing me, much like he did the night before the incident.

I pulled away first this time, afraid of what might happen. "We have to go."  I grabbed my purse off of his bed and headed out the door with Tyler close behind me.

Down the steps stood Mr. and Mrs. Joseph, waiting not so patiently.

"Are we ready to go?" Tyler's dad asked with a warm smile. Chriz wasn't too bad, but Kelly always seemed to disapprove of something I did. I wondered if that's how Tyler felt his whole life too, like he could never be good enough for the high standards of his mother.

We headed out toward the van, planning to meet Zack and Madi at the church. Jay hopped into one of the middle seats, while Tyler and I made our way to the back. "Seat belts everyone," Mrs. Joseph sang.

Safe in our seats, we drove toward the church, which was about ten minutes from Tyler's old house. The church was larger than I was expecting, big domes of stained glass made up most of it. We walked forward through the doors, meeting Madi, Will, Tatum and Zack toward the front row. The whole chapel room was lined with pews, most people already filling them in. Crosses hung most everywhere you looked and, behind the stage, there was a large crucifix.

We waited for only about five minutes before the pastor finally came out. I tired my best to follow along with the hymns and bible verses but my mind was not used to grasping the concept of religion and God. Tyler was able to recite prayers and phrases by heart, because of how long he'd been coming to this church but I had a really hard time trying to adjust. His mother watched me fumble over words as I tried to get the prayers right, looking at me with pure disapproval.

Finally, the whole ordeal was over and Tyler dragged me around to meet his friends he had known practically his entire life.

"Todd, hey what's up man? This is my girlfriend Aurora," Tyler said as he hugged a slightly shorter ginger man.

"Hi, nice to meet you." He shook my hand and continued, "Ah, nothin' much Ty, just found out I'm going to be a dad."

"What are you kidding? That's sick!"

"Yeah, Janet and I are pretty excited, we didn't want it to be this soon but you know, God's will and all."

"Well tell Janet I said congratulations to the both of you. See you around Todd," and the conversations continued that way with five other people. Everyone was telling Tyler about how they were getting married or having kids, finishing college. It was surreal to be surrounded by people my age and a little older when they were all doing so much better than me, had so much going for them.

In the car to lunch I thought about it more. I wasn't jealous of these people by any stretch of the word, I just wish I knew their secret. I want to know how these people who were given the same things as me could be so much better off. I felt like a loser. It's no wonder Tyler's parents don't like me, I have nothing to offer their son. He is talented and wonderful in every way and I am just a silhouette. I haven't even graduated college yet, I'm a year behind because of my parents refusal to help me out. I work as a secretary for goodness sake. I am nothing.

A sickeningly cold sadness crept into my heart as we pulled into an Olive Garden, Tyler grabbed my hand, somehow sensing my internal pain, and I put on a fake smile for him. He didn't need the weight of my problems on top of his own, I knew I would have to keep what I was feeling to myself. We entered the restaurant and Tyler's dad got us a table for eleven because Josh and mark would be joining us.

We had already ordered our drinks by the time they showed up, "Sorry, there was an accident on the highway," Josh had explained. I smiled and laughed, wishing I could go back to his house tonight instead of Tyler's where guilt for who I am ate me alive.  Again, I wondered if that is what caused Tyler to be the way he is now, the constant guilt put on him by his parents making him hypersensitive to doing anything wrong at all, like Josh said: he beats himself up over the smallest mistake.

I tried to be as quiet and invisible as I could at lunch, occasionally laughing when Zack and Josh would tease Tyler, or vice versa. Their constant joking was the only thing that could make my mood a little better, to keep me from falling down even farther.  Tonight was our last night to be in Columbus, and you could tell everyone was pretty bummed about it. Josh and Mark returned back to the Dun household so Josh could spend time with his parents and siblings. Madi, Will, Zack and Tatum all came back to the Joseph house for a "family game night" and it was fun except for the fact that I was not part of their family and I didn't think I'd ever feel like I was. However, I had grown close with Tatum and Zack, sometimes even confessing my fears to them when Tyler wasn't around.

They always dispelled my anxiety, telling me not to worry about Mrs. Joseph because she just has a strong personality and there was no reason for her to dislike me. But still, the thoughts plagued on. I was sad to leave them behind, and Josh's family too. Tyler had refused to go back to Josh's house, making up excuses every time we were invited so I didn't get to see them again.

Eventually, we said our goodbyes, knowing that everyone would be back in the morning to see us off and retired to bed.