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pt.4

I only had a half day, so I got home from work early. After compulsively cleaning my entire apartment three times I decided I should get ready for my date with Tyler.

I didn't need another shower but I took one anyway, pondering my existence as I did. Then I began my usually questioning: What is my purpose? Why am I here? Is there a God and if so why don't I feel him?

When I get out of the shower I feel hot tears trickle down my face that I hadn't noticed while the water was on me. A hole begins to open in my chest and the tears come hotter, faster.

I can't go on this date with Tyler, not tonight. Maybe not ever. I put on my white fluffy robe and head for my bed, burying myself in the covers.

What is wrong with me?

You're and idiot that's what.

No, I'm not an idiot I've got so much potential.

What? Do you honestly think you can do anything in this world? You're pathetic, you don't belong here.

Everyone is made for a reason.

Oh yeah, and what's yours? To be alone and not do anything with your life?

My conversation with myself was interrupted by a knock on the door. I get up and open the door to see Tyler.

"Hey I hope you don't think I'm a major creep but I saw you going home and when you didn't show up I-hey are you okay?"

I look down at my hands, knowing that my eyes must be red from all the crying.

"Yeah I,uh, I was just watching a sad movie."

Tyler squinted his eyes in disbelief and asked, "Can I come in? I brought Chinese."

I pondered letting him in, I figured it couldn't do any harm and I need a distraction so I say, "Sure."

"Cool," he takes a step in and sets the bag of Chinese food on my table across from the doorway. "You have a pretty sick setup here," he looks around.

I realize then that I'm still and my robe and excuse myself to go change.

"No, you don't have to," Tyler says,"I'm not a perv." He smiles and starts taking the boxes of chicken and rice out of the bag.

"Alright," I get two plates out of my cupboard and think about how glad I am to have Tyler's company, no matter how strange it is.

"Are you going to tell me why you were really crying, Aurora?" I melt when he says my name and try to come up with an answer.

I go with, "It's personal." Which it is. I know that there is something wrong with me so why would I tell this practical stranger what's going on inside my head?

In response to my answer Tyler nods his head, not pushing the subject any farther. We begin eating our food and start some small conversation.

"Do you go to school here?"

"Yeah I moved here from Ohio to go to college but I don't really want any kind of job you can get with a degree. What about you?"

"I go to school here too. I don't really know what I'm doing."

Tyler shakes his head,"I know that feeling. "

I don't know how I reply to that so I take a bite of food. Tyler finishes and takes his plate to the kitchen sink. He sits back down and stares up at the lights, apparently thinking. I want to know what's going on inside his head but decide not to break the silence.

"Do you want to watch a movie or something?" I suggest after I finish eating.

"Yeah that'd be cool."

"Okay but I haven't got a couch so we'll have to watch it in my bedroom if that's alright."

"I'm alright with it if you are," he says getting up.

I lead him to my bedroom, sit down in front of my tv stand and read off my movies. Finally, we decide on Dirty Dancing.

After putting the movie on I get on my bed and pull the covers over me while Tyler sits on the floor.

"You don't have to sit down there you know."

"I feel weird sitting on your bed though."

"Just sit up here," so he moves and sits beside me when the movie starts. About halfway through Tyler abruptly gets up and says he has to go.

I'm a little shocked but let him go.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he says shutting the door behind him.

Tomorrow?