My heart cripples as my mind wildly ponders upon what tomorrow might hold. The yearning for that one glance into the future is so intense, it burns like acid. A hundred questions, all clumped together to form a murky haze which encages me refuse to let me go. The unmistakable feeling of dread crawls up to me, striking a sharp blow right across my heart. The savage desperation of the present led to this brutal, piercing craving to know what fate had in store for me.
Was the future going to be any better than today? Was I really going to survive the future? How was everything going to work out for me? I was clueless at this point, clueless and utterly helpless. I didnt want to just scrape through life, barely hanging on. I wanted to be whole. I controlled my emotions as a flicker of hope ran through my thoughts and as my heart started to swell, for hope was another luxury I could not afford.
The excruciating anguish caused as a result of dissappointment never failed to shatter and weaken me. How badly I wanted and all the same feared change and how awfully I resented myself for that. For I wanted things to change my way but that was a vague wish.
The world is not a wish granting factory and change is inevitable, these two simple statements held so much meaning, a fervour of inexplicable emotions overwhelmed me as I read them. The knot in my chest tightened and I felt the moisture brimming from my eyes, sliding down my cheeks. Realization that I was helpless hit me like a ton of bricks, and I turned to the one entity I always turned to.
The one Being who knew exactly what the future held and somehow I let Him handle it. I put my trust in Him, knowing whatever He had planned would be for the best.
Sometimes you believe not because you want to but because you have to because we are completely and irrevocably helpless in the face of the universe.
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Just Another Diary
Kurgu OlmayanThis isn't a story. It's a collection of thoughts, thoughts I'm sure all teens go through.
