Just Another Diary

Insecurity

One storm passes, and another whirlwind entraps me. Once again the nature drilled within me the moment I was born begins to overpower my sanity. The tempest comes back stronger every time, shaking my rationality which hangs just barely like a swing off its hinges, rocking back and forth as my inner self overwhelms me.
Once again the little monster within me rises again, this time with a bat in its hand, slamming it against my heart until my whole self is rattled once again. The inexplicable feeling of dread returns with a maleficent smile on its face, squeezing my insides, making my heart break with every loud beat, marathons of thoughts run in my head, doubt, rejection, sadness, and ghosts of the past all racing against each other in my mind.

My frail lucidity tries to calm them down, to remind me its all in my head and that everything is okay, yet it all but gets trampled as new demons join in the race. A new feeling of being a burden enters my mind, suffocating my throat as tears begin to scorch my cheeks and burn my eyes.

I try to run away but the very nature of my existence pulls me back, a tornado as black as coal envelops me dragging e down, until all I see is darkness.

It's all in my head, I'm aware but that doesn't make it any less painful, it doesn't make the stab wound within me hurt any less, but that's the problem. It's invisible to others and nobody is gonna know. So I put my mask on, in another fragile attempt to seem sane, to seem acceptable, to hide my deepest fears as I realize inside with a heavy heart that this is one battle I'll always fight alone.

No one can help you fight a war they can't see or understand. No one can pick up your pieces as delicately as you need them to, they'll break it without meaning to and no one is to blame but you.
So I hide my scars, plaster on a smile and hope that this time this monster called anxiety would leave without causing any other damage besides from the excruciating ache in my chest.