Just Another Diary

Unwanted chapters

It bothers me. It really does how you imprinted yourself on the pages of my story. A long, bittersweet chapter that may not matter towards the end of the book, but for now it is all I can think of.

Unaware of my actions, I keep turning the pages back, tracing my fingers on the words you marked me with. Words that haunt me, oh how they wound around my heart, slicing into the flesh making me feel alive with anguish. Everytime I catch myself ruminating, I try to pry myself away from the script, to continue writing ahead, to rip out the sheets you tainted with the filthy ink that pours out of your dark soul but I fail everytime.

Your pages are bound so strongly to my very existence, the agonising yet blissfully mellow tale that I cannot seem to let go. You awaken this strong affection within me for you, the context changes as the story goes on but the tempest remains, a vehement zeal that cannot be denied.

I've scrawled new chapters now, the joy seeps through me as I feel the words embedded into the parchment, igniting a fiery spark within me, an inexplicable feeling of victory, the realisation that I found ecstasy even after the pages were no longer all about you.

Yet somewhere, in the midst of paragraphs, between lines, your name catches my sight, sometimes pleasant, sometimes acidic. I've taught myself to accept it, the fact that your name will never fully dissappear from this fable that is inked in my blood, I've learnt to stop myself from reading it over and over again, to stop mulling in the sentiments it carries.

I pause, I inhale the scent that hangs around the very letters that spell your name, I hold my breath as I let myself feel completely and truly alive with pain and ecstasy and then i exhale. I let go and continue making my own story, finding my own happiness and hoping that one day I will reach a content end.