Look Past Me.

Season 3, Ep. 3(c)- He never felt so lonely

Patrick stood by the door as he couldn't decide wether to follow Kevin or help Richie.

He looked out to the hallway again and saw no one, by the looks of it, Kevin's probably on the bottom floor of the building.

So he knelt down and grabbed Richie's arm and wrapped it around his shoulder.

He helped him get up and walked him towards the sofa while Richie is tilting his head upwards because of his bleeding nose.

"Oh God!" Patrick said as he looked at Richie's face again.

Richie's hand that's covering his nose was gushing with blood.

"Don't worry I'll be fine! Go after him." Richie said as he stood up and hurried to the kitchen. "Fuck"

Patrick stood up and clenched his hair with both his fist while calming himself down.

He looked around and saw his clothes on the floor and immediately put them on as if the building was on fire.

"I'm sorry Richie!" He shouted just enough for Richie to hear in the kitchen and he ran out and closed the door behind him.

He felt the rush of anxiety all over his body while he's taking the stairs down.

He finally got to the bottom floor and opened the gate.

He looked around hoping to see Kevin but he must've brought his car.

Patrick walked to the edge and stopped a taxi.

He told the driver the address of his workplace and leaned to the seat and relaxed himself a little.

It was just then he felt the banging pain in his head.

The whole way was a painful experience to him and he felt as if cutting his head off would be the best thing to do.

He finally arrived and was running inside ignoring the pain I his head and was surprised that the guard didn't stop him.

He got to the elevator and and pressed the button to the floor to Kevin's office.

As the door opened he didn't need to get out as he saw no one inside the room through the glass walls.

"Where the fuck is he?" He whispered with his voice sounding really annoyed.

He tried to think and quickly pressed the button toward the rooftop.

The way up he was tapping his finger against the metal handle bar while thinking of what to say.

Or where to go next if he's not there.

The door opened and he quickly got out, climbed the stairs and opened the door to the rooftop of the building.

A cold breeze welcomed him as he looked around and he quickly stopped as he saw Kevin sitting there by the place where they always hang out.

He walked slowly towards him and he could just hear Kevin sniffing while looking forward towards nothing.

"Kevin." Patrick called and waited for Kevin to turn around but he didn't. He just kept looking forward.

"Leave me alone Patrick." Patrick felt the pain as he heard Kevin's voice sounding so tired and fed up without any emotions.

"Please let me explain." Patrick sat next to Kevin and was surprised when Kevin didn't stand up and ignore him.

"What? That you fucked your ex when we're still together?" Kevin looked at him, straight in the eye and Patrick couldn't take it so he looked down.

He felt angry inside knowing that he's hurt Kevin so much continuously in a small amount of time.

He could just see it in the redness of Kevin's wet eyes.

"Nothing happened last night." He said.

"Thanks Patrick, that lie made me feel so much better." Kevin said sarcastically and looked away again.

"No, seriously! I was angry and we were drunk! So we kissed and I stopped him!" Patrick said explaining himself looking very hopeful.

"So, something did happen" Kevin said and immediately wiped the tear that just fell from his eye.

"It was just a kiss and nothing else." Patrick said.

"Funny, it was just an account on Grindr, nothing else" Kevin said mocking Patrick.

Patrick tried to say something but he couldn't. How that exploded in his face.

He looked down again and but this time he felt so embarrassed.

"I'm sorry" was all Patrick could say.

"So was I, but the last time I heard, you said something about Loyalty. Where is it now Patrick?" He looked at Patrick in the eye again and felt nothing but pain.

"I'm so sorry" Patrick couldn't hold it anymore and just let it all fall.

"Don't be." Kevin reached out and held Patrick's hand. Patrick felt confused but also felt happiness building up.

Has he forgiven me? Patrick asked himself.

"You know I used to think that leaving John was the best thing that's ever happened to me. But now all I could think of is that if it was the right choice." Kevin continued.

Patrick sat there, all his hopes and all the emotions building up was suddenly knocked down by pain.

"Please don't say that." Patrick said and held Kevin's hand with both his and kissed the bruises in the knuckles.

This was the most painful thing anyone has ever said to him.

"Maybe you were right. Maybe we went too fast." Kevin said.

Patrick couldn't help but cry even more while holding Kevin's hand in his chest.

"Please don't say that." Patrick said again almost whispering and felt Kevin stand up and pulled his hand away.

"I'm so tired Patrick." Was the last thing Kevin said to Patrick as he heard him walk away.

That was it. Patrick never felt pain so much. Pain that he caused himself.

He never felt so lonely.

(To be continued)

Oh patty.

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