Bent. | h.s

the do's and don'ts.

could we pretend that we're in love?

-

I wake up with a sudden jolt, frantically searching around me trying to figure out what happened or where I am. I see the white walls and all the medical equipment around me and figure that I'm in a hospital, only a new one than the one I had been used to.

I was used to this scene when I grew up because my headaches were a recurring thing and they almost always ended with me heaving everything inside of me out into a bin or a toilet. It was embarrassing, to say the least, having to excuse myself to go to the bathroom repeatedly during the day to go empty my stomach to try to release the pain shooting in my head. It was worse when I wasn't allowed to go and had to let it all go in public after failing to hold it in.

No one really knew why that happened, all they knew was that there were good days and there were bad, and usually the bad left me laying lifeless on the cold ground waiting for someone to notice that I'd let it go again, all the food, the energy, the life out of me, and couldn't bare the pain anymore.

Some doctors said it was depression, maybe even anorexia, but they were just trying to come up with whatever bulls.hit excuse so they could get paid. The plain simple jest of it was that I got headaches, and they turned to migraines and then those turned to a sickening feeling in my stomach that usually left me laying on the bathroom floor crying in pain from not being able to keep going, for having nothing left to give.

It got worse periodically with the pills and the sickness. The good days were a rare thing and the bad ones were almost always around the corner, waiting for me to finally get the appetite and eat something that could give me a small ounce of energy to be able to actually look humanly, just to strike again and ruin everything.

I used to joke about it with my mom, saying that this was karma for having complained about all the healthy food and only ate junk, now I wasn't allowed to eat anything. She never believed me but she would still laugh and nod her head in amusement and I'd smile, hoping that my jokes would lighten the dull mood that my mother was always in.

Most times I'd wake up after a while to find myself still laying on the floor feeling like the air has been knocked out of my lungs, some others I find myself in some hospitals emergency room, but those were rare seeing as that only happened when I'd have an incident out in public and I'd stopped going out except for dire needs just to not have to risk that happening anymore. Adam and I had come up with a good plan to stop those incidents, as Adam likes to call them, from happening. We'd got our hands on some cheap sedatives that wouldn't need prescription but were still strong enough to put me to sleep, and I'd always keep it at hands reach and ready whenever I felt myself getting close to having one.

One problem was, I forgot to do that last night because I was too busy with Harry.

D.ammit.

-

"Hey," Harry pops his head from behind the door after knocking five times, "did I wake you?"

"No, I was already up." I answer.

Harry has an uneasy look on his face. He almost looks pale as he walks in and locks the door behind him, a small smile on his face now. He pulls a chair that's sat beside the bed that I'm sleeping on now and places it closer to my bed and sits on it.

"They wouldn't let me in, 'cause I'm not family and all." Harry says and points to the window behind him. He starts looking around the room and pinches his lower lip with his thumb and forefinger.

"You're here though." I state after a while. My voice cracks when I speak, probably from not talking to anyone all day.

I try to reach out to the glass of water that's set on a bedside table next to me but for some reason it feels like it needs too much energy and I give up as soon as I try to do it and Harry scrambles from his seat to get it for me, handing me the glass and sitting back down after I gulp the water and give it back to him.