Lost Memories

Incomplete.

Jade's

I was sitting on a bench on the beautiful central park of new york, staring at the nightsky and the stars above me, the breeze of cold air gave me chills. "happy birthday althea." I whispered, And tears suddenly fell from my eyes. "Ofcourse i remembered, i hope you are happy, i miss you so much." I could feel the pain again, i was just talking to the big full moon. Wishing she could hear me.

i wonder if she already got my birthday presents, and everything else that i planned 6 months ago.

If only i could go back, if only my love was enough and that i am able to protect her with all the pain, physically and emotionally, i could ever give. But as much as i'm dying to be with her again, i couldn't, it was for her own good, and i'm doing her a favor, i'm saving her from me, from a selfish, insensitive, and careless person like me, she deserve someone way better, someone who could give her the best of everything like she always does to people she loves. im pretty sure she wouldn't have to find that person. because she is everything, a man or a woman could ever dreamed of.

i never wanted to messed up her life again. Even if she mean the whole world to me, even if all i ever want was just to be with her. I just couldn't take that risk again.

She is all that mattered, I was willing to deprive myself with all the happiness and love i could feel being with her. Because that's how much i love her. I could never be happy again, i could never forget her, i would never be able to fully embrace this life i have right now without her in it. So here i am, trying my best to avoid her, keeping a distance, to protect her.

I didn't even know how did i handle all those sleepless nights, all the tears that i cried, and all the pain i kept inside my broken heart, for the last 3 months. There are days and nights, that i couldn't help it, because i miss her so bad, i just wanted to hear her voice, that one hello was enough to keep me going. to feel that i was doing the right thing, though it breaks my heart everytime i hang up the phone, because i wanted to tell how much i miss her, and how much i love her, how much it hurts to keep it in myself.

I walked home to my apartment, and it was her, i could ever think of, when i got home. I turned on my laptop, i opened my old email, to check if there was any return email, i scanned and found one from the flower shop where i ordered her favorite flowers, i smiled to have read that it was delivered on time, there was also an email, from the bake shop and from toyota, and found an email from sally.

Bestfriend, What's up? I miss you so much, i've been trying to reach you out, and thought of sending this to all of your social media accounts. Hehe! Hoping you might read it.

As promised, i have ordered the best japanese food in manila, and have it delivered to her office, i made sure it was enough for all of her staff, i have talked to batchi and her assistant and their mission was also successful.

I'm sure she is happy, she misses you so much jade, and your family too, come home please.

Always,
Sally

I then found an email from an unknown sender, i got curious so i opened it.

My dearest jade,

Hi. Well, i'd be glad if you have seen this, alam kong matagal nang hindi active itong email mo, but it was all that is left, i know you wanted to be alone and find yourself again, and to avoid me as you said for my own good, so i understand why you blocked me on all of your social media accounts and changed your number. So i'm trying this one, hoping one day you'll open it and get to read my letter.

I just wanted to say thank you for today, for the gifts, for the surprises, and for making it special, i never see that coming, it felt like you were here all along, and about the car, it was just too much but thank you, i still have to talk to batchi about this tomorrow at work, she better get her ears ready.

There, i've already made a wish, i wish nothing but for you to find your way back to my arms again, I'm not losing hope and faith, that you'll be back for me someday, I missed you jade, my life after you left is not a life anymore, i was just trying and forcing myself to be strong for miggy, hiding the pain of losing you once again, i couldn't accept that this is all real, and i wasn't dreaming, beacuse i wanted to wake up in this nightmare. I couldn't bare waking up in the morning, i couldn't make it through the day without even thinking of you, i couldn't sleep at night without you beside me, my heart ripped and breaks into thousand pieces every single time, the thought of it just kills me.

I love you more than anything in this world and i couldn't love you any less, its always been you jade, it was you, whom i've always dreamed of sharing my life with, No one else but you.

I love you so much, that i was willing to give you all the time you need, even if it hurts like hell, i would take all this unbearable pain alone, just to give what you wanted, i was willing to sacrifice my own happiness and my life, just to give that. I've let you go, because that's how much i love you.

I'm wishing you nothing but all the best in the world, please take good care of yourself, wherever you are.

Love,
Althea

Tears suddenly fell from my eyes, and the pain i've already kept deep down begun to ripped my heart again. Every step i take going back, retreats it felt like its really wrong to come back and ruin everything again, unti unti na siyang nagiging okay siguro, at hindi ko na dapat guluhin pa yun. Masasanay din siya, makakahanap din siya ng taong mas deserving.

Ako, hindi ko na kaya pa magmahal ng iba, wala na kong ibang maramdaman kundi ang sakit at pagkasabik na makita ulit siya. I'll just continue doing this, but it doesn't mean i don't love her anymore or anyless, i'm just thinking of might happen, maybe one day, someday in the time we don't expect, we'll meet and maybe it will be our time again, and if she is already happy with somebody else, i'd still be glad and just accept it, but i'm sure my love for her will never ever change.