It's always been him (twilight fan fiction)

[15]

I have not stopped thinking about what Edward said I love Jake so much he's who I want to be with its just Edward hasn't left my head since he talked to me. I hate Edward for what he did to me...I hate him...he's evil and mean and heartless Jake notices me in deep thought
"Hey loca what ya thinking about?" He asks walking over to me
"Nothing I'm fine" I say shaking my head
"Your such a bad lier...is it what Edward said what did he say?" Jake says I can here the tension building in his voice
"Jake he said he still wanted to be apart of my life...that he cared" I cringed at the word cared Jake freezes after i say this then dashes outside and phases then continues to the woods
"Jake!" I yell after him
"I got it Bella" Seth say and runs outside and dose the same. Ryder begins to cry so I walk to his bed and pick him up
"Hi baby what wrong" I say looking into his eyes... His beautiful eyes they are just like jakes I then get worried once again...'Jake' I think

Jake and Seth stroll into the house 3 hours later while Ryder is eating lunch
I stand and walk over to Jake and hug him and he dose the same
"I'm sorry Bella...I didn't want to hurt you" he says holding me tighter
"I wasn't worried" I say still not letting go
"Daddy!" Ryder shouts and Jake picks him up
And lifts him above his head Ryder bakes into laughter
"Bella can I talk to you outside for a minute?" Seth asks and I nod and we walk outside and close the door
"When are you going to tell him"
"I'm not sure yet...your the only one I trust with this...trust that I'll tell him soon"
"Okay Bella...just don't wait to long" he says and I hug him
"Thanks seth" and I walk back inside and Seth sits outside
"What was that about?" Jacob asks
"Huh? It was nothing" I say and go to the kitchen
"Bella you've been acting weird...what's bothering you?"
"Jake it's nothing honestly I just haven't been feeling good lately..."I say
"Ryder is 3 years old Jake and I feel like he was just born a few months ago...i got kidnapped...you are Alfa of your pack..." I say looking at him and he hugs me
"I'm sorry Loca" he says and I hold him tight
"You have no reason to be sorry jake I just...there's too much going on..."I say pulling away from him and walking away into the bathroom
'How in hell am I suppose to tell him I'm pregnant again?' I think
He knocks on the door
"Loca open up" I crack the door and he smiles at me and I return it
"How about a walk and a picnic lunch...Seth can watch Ryder" he says
"That sounds amazing" I say as I open the bathroom door

{Edwards point of view}
"God damnit Alice!" I shout
"Edward...I'm sorry" she says and walks away
'Bella's...pregnant...again...'I say in my head
"I love her!" I scream
'Why did I feel the need to let her go why did I let her go!' I shout to my self as I fall to the forest floor 
'I can't live without her'
'The past 4 years I've gone through hell and back trying to move on going from girl to girl...hoping I would love her more then Bella...i lay in the woods until the sun was gone and it was completely dark with only the voice of crickets
'She better off'. I thought as I stood
I returned home and everything reminded me of Bella...we use to sit there together...we ate there...kissed there...cuddled there...and then I walked into my room...I almost killed her here... And grief over came me and I fell to my knees and began to sob
"I'm sorry" I whisper
I stood still sobbing and ran out of the house to my car and drove to the airport
"One ticket to Italy please"