Taming The Beast

Chapter 39

So many people came to say goodbye at her funeral. I called and informed Xavier's mother.

Even though If it wasn't for her my baby would be still alive. But, he deserved to know.

Everything seemed like years ago now. I cancelled our honeymoon.

We were supposed to leave tomorrow.

I haven't seen him since that day he walked away.

Is this what it's supposed to be like? Is it? Because I really hate it.

Her bucket list was never really finished.

We took her to Disney and she got to see a wedding but thats all that she did.

Her lungs stopped working all of a sudden. The doctors say there's nothing any one of us could've done.

But we would've gone through hell and back to save her.

I placed a black rose on her coffin and said "Goodbye angel. I will never forget you." I kissed my finger and then placed my finger the coffin.

"None of us will." Said Raymond as he came up next to me and placed a red rose there.

I turned around and walked away as fast as I could and I know he followed. I walked until we were at a distance where no one could hear us.

I turned around and shouted at him "You are not allowed to do this to me!"

"I'm sorry." He said.

"I know you lost someone but she meant a lot to me too! Just because you've known her longer doesn't mean you can be an ass about it!" I shouted.

"I watched it happen. She was smiling at me as soon as I walked in. Then she gasped. I shouted, screamed, shook her, gave her CPR, patted her back. But she just kept gasping for air. Then there was nothing." He admitted.

I sighed and I hugged him.

"This wasn't supposed to happen like this." He said.

"This wasn't supposed to happen at all." I whispered.

*~*~*

I wake up screaming every night when Raymond is in his office so since then I decided to sleep in his office when he works but somehow I always end up in the bed next to him as he trades and invests on his laptop.

I visit her grave every day. But yesterday Raymond was there. I saw him standing there looking down.

Just looking. There was no emotion in is face. I stood at a distance and watched as he moved across the cemetery to a different grave.

I walked up to him and stood right next to him.

On the grave it read 'Susan Black.   Loving mother, Wife and Leader.'

There was nothing I could do so I just hugged him from the side to let him know I was there for him.

"My mom was killed by my father because she was kidnapped by his arch enemy. He was told she was tainted and that she was used. So he killed her to stop the voices in his head." He said.

I was surprised. I never heard anything about his past.

"My parents does before I turned 12. My aunt and uncle took me in. My uncle was my brother's father but he was not even close to the man my father was. He was a horrible person. He did things that could've sent him to jail for life. But he got hit by a bus. He deserved it though. Social services took me in soon enough and well I was adopted after going through some bad foster homes." I said.

He kissed the top of my head and said "No one will ever lay a hand on you ever again."

We walked back home and that was it. We didn't talk about it again.

"This makes no sense. It's been two weeks since our wedding and we didn't even have our honeymoon." He said.

"Well being at home was good enough." I said with a shrug.

"Yeah I mean not that I didn't enjoy what we did that night and the night after that. But I want you to have everything that you want. If that includes a trip to Indonesia so be it." He said.

"I am happy as long as I'm-" I shut up when I felt something churn in my stomach.

I ran as fast as I could and threw up in the toilet.

"Ah fucking hell." I muttered as I flushed it.

"You okay?" Raymond came in and asked.

"I was scared that this was going to happen." I said.

"What was going to..? Oh." He said.

"I didn't think that I could after everything that my uncle did to me but..." I whispered.

"We're having a baby?" He asked in a surprised tone.

"Well I'll have to take a test and visit the doctor and everything but I'm pretty sure, yes." I stated with a hint of a smile on my face.

"Well let's go right now then." He said as he pulled me up and dragged me to our room.

I walked into the walk in closet and put on a hoodie because it was cold outside.

"Let's go." He said as he dragged me out of the house to the pack doctor with a hint of a smile on his face.

Sure, both of us were happy we might have a baby but we had still lost one.

I'm not going to be able to comprehend what he feels because honestly I have no idea what I feel.