My Secrets ~ GerPan

Chapter 3

I was sure my heart was going to explode. Just jump out of my chest and fly away. This meant something, right? He's become more touchy, but there's something else. I just can't put my finger on it.

He acts like he's afraid of something, almost. When my hands touched his he leaped back.

I walked into my bedroom, and threw my backpack on the floor, nearly knocking a picture of me and my older brother (Gilbert) off the dresser. He'd left for college already. He's the only one that knows I'm gay and have a huge crush on Kiku. But he doesn't know about the wings.

"Ludwig! Dinner's ready!" my mother called from downstairs.

Like a turtle, I walked down the stairs slowly, lost in thought.

"Ludwig! Beeile dich!" That caught my attention. It was my father. Probably the most homophobic person I've known. Though we got along better than him and Gilbert, it was nerve wracking from time to time when he talked about homosexuals in such an offensive way.

"I'm coming!" I called back.

___

Once we were all seated, we prayed and ate in a peaceful silence. Before I knew it I was lost in thought again.

"You OK?" mom asked me. I nodded.

"Come on. Tell me what's on your mind."

"There's nothing on my mind."

"Ludwig. Answer your mother." My father stared at me.

"It's nothing," I looked between the both of them, "I swear." I must've sounded harsh or something because my father stared at me for a while after that.

Beeile dich - Hurry up

___

I peeked beyond the bathroom door, looking for anyone walking in the hallway. I crept quietly back to my room with a towel wrapped around my waist, hoping feathers wouldn't fall from my angelic wings.

I slept with the bandage around my chest just in case someone decided to barge into my room and wake me up. Although, my parents trusted me enough and respected my privacy (most of the time).

The next day was just like any other. Wake up, take a quick shower, eat a little bit, go to school, try to concentrate and not stare at Kiku, eat lunch, more school, go to Kiku's, go home, eat, shower, and, sleep. Only this time Kiku wanted to see and feel my wings again. I wondered what would happen if his mother just happened to walk in.

My father was still as homophobic as usual.
"I can't believe it. What has this country come to?" my father asked no one in particular.
"What happened?" I asked.
"They legalized gay marriage across the whole country of America!" he spat.
"Really?" I asked, sounding a bit too excited.
"Yes! This is horrifying to say the least!"
"No it isn't," The words came out before I could stop them. My heart beat immediately sped up and my palms stated to sweat.
"How could you say that? Are you a freak like them? Huh? A little fucking fairy?" My heart felt like it was in my throat. My hands were shaking uncontrollably.
"I am."

Utter silence.

My father stood there, a mix of anger, shock, and betrayal on his face.

"How? This isn't good Ludwig. There's something wrong with you."

"Nothing is wrong with me!"

"Shut your mouth when I'm speaking to you! I didn't raise a disgusting subhuman like you!" he yelled.

I tried to suppress my tears and fear but my voice was still shaky, "I am not a subhuman. I'm completely normal!"

"JUST SHUT UP AND GO TO YOUR ROOM, FAGGOT!" He slapped me across the face hard. I ran up the stairs trying my hardest not to fall.

By the time I got to my room I was already sobbing. I shoved my head in my pillow, trying my hardest not replay those terrible words my father had just screamed at me over and over in my head. I dug my nails into my scalp, hating the world, hating my father, and hating myself for being so dumb. I stared at my nightstand drawer where I kept one single razor. I promised myself that I would never cut again, and I didn't... for a couple of years. Grabbing my phone I decided to call Kiku, not caring at the moment that I was still crying.

"H-hey Kiku." I sniffled.

"Lud? Are you crying? What happened? Who hurt you, and are you okay?"

"My father."

"...Seriously?" he asked rather harshly.

"Yeah..." there was a long silence before I heard him sigh sadly.

"What happened?" This is it. I can't believe I haven't told him before.

"I-I'm, um well," There was a lump in my throat. I know for sure Kiku won't hate me. Why is it still so hard? "I'm gay, Kiku. I accidentally told my really homophobic dad, and now he probably wants to kill me."

"Oh... Well I don't want to kill you. The only person I want to kill is your dumm ficken of a father," I almost laughed at his use of a few German curse words I taught him. "Want to come over?"

"Yeah. That'd be great actually," I quickly checked the time. 9:51. "I'll just fly over."

"Wait, really?" Kiku asked, but I had already put the phone down.

I ripped my shirt and the bandages from around me and opened the window letting the cool breeze hit my bare skin. I barely managed to get through the window. It was much easier when I was a skinny 8-year-old.

__________

I sat on the ledge of my window sill staring down at the green grass below. I stepped out onto a short ledge on the side of the house and continued my way up to the roof. Once I was there I instantly regretted my decision. Even on the roof it wasn't that high. If I failed I would fall flat on my face and break a few bones. I stepped back a few feet and crouched down, resting the tips of my fingers on the roof. 'This was such a bad idea' I thought to myself, 'Dear God, If I die, tell big bruder that I'm sorry I crushed his pet bird with my bike, and tell mother and father that I'm sorry I "made a scene" at the toy store because they wouldn't buy me that figurine.'

3...2...1

I took off faster than I ever had before. I could feel a foreign feeling in my chest, my wings were thrashing without me even thinking about it. I wasn't even at the end of the roof when I could no longer feel it beneath me. It felt as if my wings were getting larger with every push.

I didn't even notice I had closed my eyes. When they were finally open I nearly shrieked at how high I was. I pushed the fear away the best I could and tried to admire the great view. Not everyone gets such a marvelous one. Ja. I could get used to this.

__________

Since then I've learned how to simply take off from my window or fly straight upwards from the roof. I spotted Kiku's house below me and made a fairly sharp dive downwards. I slowed and flapped my wings enough to where I was still flying, but in one place, right in front of Kiku's window. Thank God his was bigger than mine.

I nearly lost my balance when I noticed Kiku stared at me with beautiful, brown, awe filled eyes.

"Wow," he mouthed. I chuckled and motioned for him to open the window.

"Hallo."

"Kon'nichiwa."

A/N: Sorry it took so long to update. Sports kinda got in the way. I'm hoping to post the next chapter later this week or on the weekend. I sort of have writer's block already so sorry if this seems rushed, it's only beginning to get to the good part! I swear!

Comments are appreciated~