Cold Tomorrow

[6]

CHAPTER SIX

Later, I'm sitting on my bed, making a poor attempt at reading. Every time I try to read a sentence, all the things Katherine said start blaring in my mind, forcing me to read the same line two, three, five times. I don't really know how to react to the new information. Should I be happy that I finally hold all the pieces of the puzzle, upset that I wasn't told sooner, or frightened by what the future holds in store?

Before my eyes, the words stamped in the book blur and mix, scattering across the page as I strain to hold on to them. I know I'm making things worse by picking apart everything this way - I have enough worries as it is and I certainly don't need anymore - but I can't help myself. I want a clear path ahead, one not littered with 'what if's and 'but's and 'why's, and the only way to get there is to clear out the debris, one head-ache inducing batch of questions at a time.

Suddenly, there comes a knock on my door.

"Yeah?" I call, shutting my book and placing it on the table beside me. I don't even know why I bothered trying to read it in the first place - it's not even a good book.

Caden opens the door and steps in, his hands in the pockets of his jeans. After a moment, he says, "I like your hair."

"Thanks," I reply, uncertain of where this is headed.

"I would've said so sooner but we haven't exactly spent much time together recently," he says, and I stare at him. "Did you cut it yourself?"

I nod. I can tell that, without being told, he understands my reason for cutting it all off. Somehow, he can see that it reminded me too much of Sarah, of everything she no longer has, of everything I no longer have.

A minute passes. "Katherine told me what she said to you," he says, and now we get to why he's really here.

I swing around so my feet rest on the ground by my bed, sighing as I do. "Yeah, I've been thinking about that," I say, and then look up at him. "When I came back from being...you know, dead, had you known that I'd be okay? Was all the worry for show? Or had you just forgotten about the whole Second Awakening thing?"

Caden walks over to where I'm seated and sits down beside me. "The Second Awakening isn't something people speak of much. The first time I was told about it, I was twelve. The second time was two days ago, when Katherine explained to me how you were still alive. It hadn't even crossed my mind before that, that you hadn't used your second chance. I wasn't even sure you got one because of the unusual circumstances."

"But Katherine did tell you after I woke."

It's a statement, not a question, but he answers anyway. "I didn't know straight away - I was never acting. But eventually, yes."

"And you, Katherine and Sarah made the decision not to tell me."

"It was Katherine's decision. Sarah and I didn't agree with keeping you oblivious to everything - we never have. But this is bigger than us. We have to do things we don't want to so that we can preserve the future foretold by the Seer."

I laugh but there's no humour in the sound. "You sound like Katherine."

Caden remains serious. "There was so much I wanted to tell you," he says, and in his eyes I can see all his regret, all his pain. I can see the tortured nights he spent lying awake, at first because of Rand's death, and then later because of me. "And there still is."

I turn my body to face him. "Then tell me," I say softly. "We shouldn't care about the future. It's not here yet and it won't be for a good while. Nothing we do now can ruin something that doesn't yet exist. We make our own future, and we shouldn't let it be shaped by someone else, even if they have our best interests at heart. No one but ourselves can decide our fate."