Just Be A Man About It

14.

Naomi

I was finally back home in my own bed with favorite sweats, fuzzy socks, and a big warm, purple jacket on. I was still shaken up about the fact that the ill ass nigga brought himself into my house and fucked up my peace and serenity in my own home, but now I feel somewhat safer with the authorities watching over our house until we are able to move. I get up out of the bed and draw back the curtains to the balcony. I unlock the doors and open up one of them. I go to sit on one of the lounge chairs out there. Looking up at the sky and seeing how peaceful it looks made me feel more at peace than I have ever felt in a while. I hear the phone ring, and it breaks me out of my peaceful state of mind.

Damn.

I come in and slightly crack the door to the balcony then go answer the phone.

"You have a collect call from Khiri an inmate at the Davidson County Male Correctional Development Center. This call will be recorded and subject to monitoring at any time. If you choose to accept the charges press three, if not press four or hang up."

The button sounds as I press it.

"Hello? Naomi?" He says.

When I hear his voice, I want to break down and cry.

"Khiri?" I say with my voice cracking.

"Yea it's me. How have you been baby girl?"

"Good! Really good. How are you holding up in there?"

"I'm making it Naomi. I'll be out of here in about two more months, and since I only have a short amount of time left, I can finally have my phone and visitor privileges back."

"Oh my goodness! That's so good to hear!"

It was silent for a while and I know why. Khiri was my best friend in high school. He was the only one who actually talked to me once I moved from Baton Rouge, Louisiana to Nashville, Tennessee. He made me feel like I belonged here when everyone around me saw me as an outsider because of my accent and my clothes. Let's just say that the whole Southern Bell thing didn't really fly that much here.

"Naomi, I miss you so much. I just can't help but beat myself up for leaving you like that."

"Khiri, it's okay. As long as you forgive yourself, that's all the matters."

"It just doesn't feel right without your forgiveness. I have cried so many nights and prayed that I could go back and fix my mistakes. If I would have known that they would have done that-"

"Khiri, I forgave you a long time ago. You didn't know and neither did I. It's not your fault. It's their fault and now they are paying for it."

Again, there was a long pause only filled by Khiri's loud sniffling.

"Naomi, w-will you c-come see me? Please?" He asks.

"Of course, Khiri. What time are your visiting hours?" I ask.

"12 P.M. to 4 P.M.."

"Okay. I'll be there as soon as I can be."

"Thank you, Naomi. You don't know how much this means to me."

"I think I have an idea."

"Thirty seconds."

I can hear Khiri sigh.

"I'll see you soon, Naomi."

"Alright. Bye Khiri. You're almost there. Keep pushing baby boy."

I could feel him smile through the phone.

"Alright, Naomi. Bye."

The call ends. I take the phone with me and go back out to the balcony. It had gotten a little colder since I had been out here so I zip my jacket up all the way and make myself comfortable again. I look back up at the stars to find my peace again. One star, in particular, is catching my eye. The smallest star in the sky tonight was shining the brightest out of all of the stars.

I always felt like the dullest star in the sky. I have never really felt as though I could shine brighter than anyone, not even my past self. I always felt like I had to stay average just to make everyone else happy and make everyone else shine. I want to be this star. I want to shine brighter than everyone else. I want people to know who I am by the good that I'm doing and the joy I am spreading and not the fucked up shit that has happened to me.

All I want to do is finally be happy with what I am doing right at this moment. I want to be my own star and I want to be proud of myself, even more, every day. I just want to shine without anyone having to include me in on their own shine. I don't want to share the spotlight. I want to own it. I want to be the best me I can be and as of right now, I'm not doing it. I just want to be a star, but not just a star. I want to be the star.