Done for you

Chapter 8

*Ashley’s POV*

Another nightmare woke me up a couple of hours later, and I was hyperventilating. I’ve been hyperventilating before, but it’s been years since the last time. I sat on the edge of the bed, closed my eyes and took deep breaths to calm myself down again.

That’s it, deep breath, one more, and another one. After 10-15 minutes, I’d calmed down enough to think. I was a bit light headed, I felt like the room was moving and my entire body was aching. I was basically feeling like shit, guess it was the guilt and the hyperventilating. What the hell am I going to do? I can’t keep going like this. The nightmares are driving me insane. I just want it all to go away, but the only way I can do that is either finding the blades and end it, or turn to the bottle and drink myself into a blackout. Now that I come to think about it. I got up from the bed, steadying myself on the bedside table. When I got my balance back I went to the kitchen. I looked in all the cabinets and in the last one I found an old bottle of Jack Daniel’s. I grasp the neck of the bottle, unscrewed the cap and took a big sip. I could feel the drink all the way down, the burning feeling it left in my throat. I’ve kind of missed, actually.

I closed the cabinet and walked back. I slammed the door to my bedroom after me and walked over to my usual place on the floor and sat down. I took another sip from the bottle, feeling myself slowly drifting of.

After an hour, an hour and a half, I was still on the floor, the bottle was almost empty. The only problem was the feelings and the thoughts, they wasn’t gone, they’ve only gotten stronger. I was getting pretty mad at myself for letting this thing happen. I didn’t really know what to do as the anger and sadness overwhelmed me. I threw the almost empty bottle at the opposite wall in pure anger, and the little amount of whiskey that was left was all over the wall as well as the floor. I’d been fighting the tears ever since I got back from the kitchen, but I couldn’t hold them back any longer. I looked at the small droplets as they slid down the wall, feeling my tears slowly running down my cheeks. I hid my face in my hands.

I was at the hospital, looking for Andy’s room. Now, don’t ask me how I got in, because I really don’t know. I mean, it amazes me that they couldn’t smell the alcohol when I asked where Andy was laying.

After five minutes I found his room. I could see a window out of plexiglass as I came closer. I wasn’t allowed to go in to him but I could look through the window. I was scared. Scared of what was gonna meet my eyes when I was gonna look through. I waited before I looked. To be honest, I didn’t really want to.

C’mon, Ashley, get your shit together. I took a deep breath and looked through the window.

My heart broke. My love was laying lifeless, hooked up to a lot of machines keeping him alive, and I was just standing on the other side, not able to do anything. I laid a hand on the glass as if I was trying to reach through it.

‘’Oh, Andy, I’m so, so sorry.’’ I started to mumble, well knowing that he wasn’t able to hear me.

‘’This is all my fault. If I’d just given you another chance this wouldn’t have happened...’’

I stopped to think. He was pale, had some cuts and bruises, and if you removed the tube in his throat, it looked as if he was just sleeping.

‘’Say you’ll never leave me ‘cause I need you so much...’’ I whispered before a tear slowly rolled down my cheek. My hand, still on the glass. I was just standing there, swallowed by my thoughts.

‘’Ashley?’’

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Hi, Minions! I’m back!

I’m sorry I’ve been gone for almost 4 weeks... BUT! The first ‘’Part’’ of my finals is over so I’ve got time to write again. Isn’t that lovely? And I’ve got about 4 weeks before the second ‘’Part’’ of my finals start...

I would’ve uploaded it yesterday but I was really tired, there’s been a lot going on these past 2 days. Including a BMTH concert friday, which was AMAZING!

Oh, and I’ve hidden some BMTH lyrics in there, if you haven’t noticed. You get bonus point if you know which song it’s from!

But yeah... I’m sorry this was a long endnote, I just felt like telling you. And again, I’m sorry for the 4 weeks I’ve been gone, hope you guys are doing good, see ya next week :3