Alice

Things I'll never say

"Hey.. I'm just really bored."

"Okay. Well you kind of called at a bad time."

"What? Sorry if you want me to go, I can leave now i-"

"No. It's fine."

"Well, what were you--?"

"Personal stuff."

"Hand-penis stuff?"

"Yeah."

"Oh."

"Yeah..."

"Well um.." As she spoke, her music randomly started to play. She must have hit something by mistake. As she went to turn it off, she found Keith singing along.

~Well, when you go, don't ever thing. I'd make you try, to stay. ~
She was listening in awe at his eloquence.
~and maybe when you get back, I'll be off, to find another way.~

But her finger slipped, and abruptly the essence was muted.

"Oh sorry. I got carried at at there..." He trailed off, clearly embarrassed.

"No, you were AMAZING!"

"No. No."

She kept playing her music, and there they sat, singing together into the night.

Around 9ish, Keith added their friend Chad to the call and she turned the music off.
She felt better than she had in a long time. They all played Minecraft for what felt like forever, and finally Chad had to go.

Alone with her past, Alice and Keith got into the typical discussion of how everyone is and how everyone hates Ethan because of the rumor Liza spread about him supposedly cheating on Tina. And then she blurted it out.

"I love you!" She said laughing.

"Huh?"

He didn't hear her. He was blasting his metal.
Realization swept over her.

"Nothing. I just said I know this song!" He agreed unknowingly and they talked about bands for hours. Alice wished they could talk forever. She didn't want to face the world.

That night, long after even Keith had gone to sleep, Alice lay awake in the night, facing her worst nightmare- herself.
She resented her Bipolar Depression. She turned in her bed, sobbing, almost screaming at the world.

"Why? Why me? Why now?
God. God do you even care about me? I'm worthless." She didn't bother to wipe the tears. Let them fall. Let him see. She didn't care anymore.
"I could. I could end it all right now."

She reached for the pills on her desk. They weren't there.
"Damnit!" Her laptop was flung onto the ground. She put them up in her dad's bathroom. She's too smart for herself. She collapsed back into her pile of sadness. Even music wouldn't save her now...