Sad and Mad

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part thirteen.

LOU

i planned what i was going to say to him in my mind thirty times.

nic, i'm sorry, but i think it's time to end things.

how do i say this to my one true love? the only boyfriend i've ever experienced anything with or kiss or hold hands or eat popsicles with?

but, i did. i said those words when he made his first three steps into the hospital room.

unfortunately, it was just my father. oops.

"wha-what? lucy, you're breaking up with nic?" my father asked, sitting on the edge of my bed and holding my healing hand.

i nodded my head. "it's just too much to put him through all of this madness along with me. the disorder has taken over my life."

dad sighed. "honey, i know you don't think you're worth much, and that the disorder has disastrously ruined your life, but you've got so much left to go. you still have to go to college, get a job you'll love, marry someone sweet, have babies, get old, and fall in love with that person all over again. the disorder is not the worst thing ever, and honestly, it's not as bad as it seems."

"you, you can't say anything!" i screamed. "you're the one who locked me into a mental facility for 7 years! do you even know what that does to someone? and, you don't know what bipolar disorder feels like! you don't know how miserable it is to be drowning in sadness one week and then feel so energized you could jump off of a skyscraper the next!"

i ripped my hand from his and he looked surprised, seeing as i was normally the quiet one of the family. i did have three brothers, two of which haven't visited me because they have too much college work.

"i'm sorry, lucy. i forgot about the asylum." he mused, beginning to get up. "it wasn't my idea, but your doctor had suggested it and your mother and i were so terrified that you would turn out as my father that we didn't take any chances."

confused, i asked, "grandpa?"

"yes, my father." dad said, fondly smiling. "he killed himself before you ever met him, during one of his manic episodes. every night he came from work either shutting my mother and i out or irritatingly knocking things over drunkenly. he was so severe, and he refused to take medications."

appalled, i said softly, "i'm sorry i was so rude."

my dad squeezed the shoulder that wasn't burnt and winked. "no biggie."

"and, lucy?"

"yes, dad?"

"don't be stupid and break up with nic."

---

NKW

nervously, i opened the door slowly and glanced at her.

she watched me carefully as i sat by her.

"nicholas." she said sternly.

"lou." i said breathlessly, completely awed at her beauty even after the burns.

before you know it, her arms are around my back and i gingerly hug her shoulders.

"i was going to break up with you, for god's sake! you're too perfect for me!" she shouted, holding me so tightly i'm surprised she's not wincing in pain.

"you're going to be totally wrecked if you're going to continue dating me! my life is going to interfere with yours!" she bawled, my shirt soaking with tears.

"it's alright, i don't mind." i say softly, holding her hair.

her large eyes look at me. "why?"

"because, stupid, you're my sad and mad little angel."

---

i'm not crying i'm not crying i'm not crying

shoot i am