I had a dream last night... you were in it. We were laughing and talking, and for the first time in a really long time, I felt happy. My heart wasn't hurting whenever I looked at you, my eyes didn't start tearing up every time you smiled, I was genuinely happy. That's the majority of the dream, too. Just talking and laughing, nothing special, it would seem to anyone watching, but you know what? It meant the world to me, just to have you there, just to have you acknowledge me. At the end of that dream, you and I fell asleep, me in your arms. I felt so safe and loved and happy, something I haven't fully felt in months. The worst part of that dream? I woke up. And when I realized that none of that could ever possibly happen, that things will never be the way they used to be, I cried. I try to convince myself that I'm over you and done with you, but I'm fucking breaking. I miss you so much, I don't even know how to control my own life anymore. I'm scared that if I keep having these dreams, I will become too scared to sleep anymore, because each time, I wake up and break a little bit more.
