Depression.

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Depression doesn't necessarily mean that you're sad all the time. It means that when you're not being distracted you feel completely lost. You feel useless, worthless, and completely alone. There is nothing you can do to stop it. It doesn't come all at once, it hits you with waves of anger, sadness, distress, and hatred for yourself. Then it's over, but it's not gone. It's just waiting for you to be vulnerable again.

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