Prompt- Just a little something I was inspired to write while listening to calming music. Alexis thinking about the holidays
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I looked down at Jonas. He was curled against me, fast asleep, his head securely on my chest.
I gently moved him off of me, looking at him for a moment before getting out of bed. I pulled on boxers, jeans, and a sweater before leaving the room.
I went out to the kitchen, pouring myself a glass of wine. Mr. Holden sometimes gave us wine that his friend made. It was very good wine, and while I generally avoided alcohol, I poured a little more than usual tonight.
Heading out to the living room, I opened the curtains and sat on the couch. It was a nice night out, a clear sky full of stars. Moonlight spilled into the room.
I lit a few candles and shut the lights off, sitting on the couch with my wine. It was getting cold outside but for the first time in a while, I actually had enough money to afford a warm jacket for myself and Micah.
Sipping on my wine, I leaned back and closed my eyes. It was fall, and Micah was getting excited for Halloween. Jonas and I had agreed to take him to a corn maze and to pick out pumpkins for carving tomorrow.
But after Halloween came Thanksgiving. Holidays were always hard for me and my friends. But at least when I lived with my friends, we all understood that unbearable burden of a holiday without a family.
Now I lived with Jonas and he had a family to celebrate holidays with. He could afford to buy fancy gifts for the people in his life. He could sit down at a table on Thanksgiving with family there to talk and laugh with.
My friends and I had always pooled our money together to afford a fairly nice feast for Thanksgiving, the only day a year we ever really spoiled ourselves with food. Christian would split his time between us and his grandfather, one year with his grandfather insisting on coming over and bringing us desserts. It had been the only year we'd ever had a family member at the table.
Ike would Skype his brother and aunt and uncle, telling them that he would spend the day with us. He didn't want to burden them with his presence, worried that they would realize just how badly he was struggling with money. He wanted to make sure they focused on Joshie.
Jer would stop by his parents' house. They never realized it was Thanksgiving, but he would slip out of the house with a little food to bring them. Unaware druggies or not, they were still his parents.
But at dinner, it was just us and Micah, a table of broken guys from broken families. We bonded and managed to laugh and enjoy the day.
Ace and I spent the whole day together, with no family to go to or call. Ace would tell me funny stories about the Thanksgivings he'd spent with his family, every year telling me the story of how he and his cousin started a fire in the kitchen and burned the dessert.
This year, though, I didn't have the luxury of friends who understood. I had Micah, but he was only a child, and he didn't fully understand the burden of holidays. Sure, he missed his mom, but he didn't quite understand that experience of having family around one year, and losing them by the next.
This year, I'd have Jonas. He'd already mentioned bringing me to his family's Thanksgiving dinner. I'd agreed to go just to make him happy, but I wasn't so sure about this. He'd also mentioned Christmas a few times.
What would it be like to be surrounded by someone else's family? To watch the close way they'd interact and love each other, only an outsider?
"Alexis?"
I opened my eyes, looking down at Micah. He was wearing his pajamas but he looked wide awake.
"What's wrong? Couldn't sleep?" I asked.
Micah shook his head. "Nu-uh. It's really pretty out, Lex."
"It is," I agreed. I set my wine down, pulling Micah onto my lap.
"You look sad," he said, reaching up and touching my cheek. He nuzzled his head against my shoulder.
"I'm not sad," I said.
I looked up, seeing Jonas standing in the doorway. He'd pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie.
He came over and sat next to me, putting an arm around my waist. "You do look sad," he said.
But as I looked at the two of them, I realized how stupid I was being. Sure, Jonas wouldn't understand. But did that matter? I wouldn't be alone during the holidays. I never had been.
With the guys, I'd had a family of brothers to spend the holidays with. And now I had a different family to spend the holidays with. My boyfriend and Micah.
"I'm not," I said, and this time I found myself meaning it. "I was, but I'm not anymore."
"What were you sad about?" Jonas asked.
I shrugged. "It was irrelevant." I leaned over and kissed him, his lips giving me that comforting sense of familiarity and home that I'd come to know.
I hugged Micah to myself as I pulled away from Jonas's lips. I put one arm around him and one around Jonas, holding them to me.
"Look at the sky," Jonas said, cuddling against my side.
"So pretty," Micah said, eyes fascinated by the stars spread out across the sky. It was vast, like the experiences we had all had. But despite how big it was, we were all looking at the same sky, even if our gaze might be drawn to a different scatter of stars.
A small smile tugged at my lips. "It's beautiful."
I sat there in the dark, the only light coming from the candles and the moon. We looked up at the stars together, cuddled up with each other. I was surrounded by stars and family and it was beautiful and I how could I ever think I was alone when there were so many stars surrounding me and the warmth of the people I loved enveloping me?
