Secrets, Socials, and Seigaku

Chapter 22

My blood ran cold and I froze at the statement. Oh god he knows. I looked up to meet his eyes quickly. He looked completely confused, almost disturbed. “What are you talking about?” I said with a laugh. I tried to continue with a smile. “I think your going senile old man.” I laughed dryly at the concept. “You know that I’m not as good as you are, what were you expecting?” I said with a sad smile, one that was certainly hurt to wear.

He looked me over, the anger still kindeling in his golden eyes, before deciding on something. “I never got the chance to ask you yesterday," He started, "But what have you been doing since the last time we met?” he asked suspiciously.

I gulped. it was like playing cat and mouse, while pretending to be a cat. “W-what do you mean?” I answered him nervously. I cursed myself for stuttering.

“What I mean is, how many times have you played tennis since you left our household? How often do you practice? Where had you been practicing. You know...” he trailed off. He watched me carefully, though I couldn't seem to get any emotion under my reins at this point. "What have you done to improve?" He finished slowly.

I looked down at the ground, ashamed of myself. I couldn’t tell him. Not him. Anyone but my idol. I’d told him before when I was little how much I wanted to be a professional like him when I grew up. He would look at me differently if I told him I gave it up, right? Now, I could never be like him. My heart broke.

He was silent across the court. I still couldn’t bring myself to meet his gaze. “You haven’t played at all, have you.” It was more of a statement than a question.

I could feel guilt overwhelm me as I slid down to my knees in front of him. Tears threatened to fall but, I quickly wiped away them. "You know," my voice cracked, but i pushed forward. "it's unfair to act so stupid all the time and then suddenly be Mr.Sherlock Holmes." The last thing that I ever wanted was my role model to see me cry. He can see me at my weakest point but nobody gets to see me cry. I looked down at the floor not able to convey any emotion other than sadness. Nanjiro knew that he should just let me talk on my own. He knew I wasn’t the type of girl who wanted to receive pity from anyone. “I promised” He made out through my silent sobs. “I never go back on my promises! you know that!” I shouted at him through my sobs.

Nanjiro’s gaze lightened as he let me continue. “I had no choice! I accepted the bet! As soon as I did that I was prepared for the consequences!” I was shouting more at me than him now.

“But-But I didn’t think it would be this hard! And yesterday after seeing them all fighting so hard I had to step in and win! And today Ryuzaki asked me to join the team, I just couldn’t-“  I was starting to hperventalate now. I quickly put a hand on my chest. It felt like my heart would give out any second on me. It was too much!

“You couldn't handle it, right?” Nanjiro finished for me. My breaths were coming out ragged now. I felt him place a hand on my back. We sat like that until my panic attack passed. Nanjiro just waiting for me to calm down silently. As I came down from my attack I focused on my breathing. “Jeez, I leave you alone for two years and this is what happens.” He teased lightly.

I looked up at him through puffy eyes. He didn't look upset in the least. If anything he looked like this was an unneeded hassle. “You're not mad?” I questioned lightly.

He took his hand off of me and looked  astonished that I would even think such a thing. “Of course not, Moron! Why would I be mad?” he asked repulsed at the very thought.

I was about to answer when I had an epiphany. Why would he be mad? He’s not my father, though he is close to me like family, but even if he was my father I did nothing to be ashamed of right?