When I heard your foot steps come up to my door, my heart beat fast, excited to see you, and I jumped from my bed to look through the peep hole, and be sure it's you, but I never thought I'd see my rapist out side my door.
I never thought a simple two letter word would offend you,"no"
But then again, I never thought I'd be terrified of my best friend of seven years counting.
I never thought you would try to take advantage of such a young mind, I never thought you would succeed.
I never thought that eight years later I'd be scared and scarred to look through a peep hole of my house, no longer my home, this place was my safety, and you took my innocence right down the hall, first door to the right.
I can't call this place my home now, because a home is safe, and I don't feel anywhere close to safe, I couldn't even sleep with the same color sheets of that night for two years, three months, and nineteen days, until my 10th birthday, you showed at my house, and in your hands new bed sheets, color purple, and I'm sure my face matched the color, because my parents don't know, so I held my breath, not only that night did you ruin my seven year old purple sheets' my seven year old hair, not only did you ruin my every last bit of childhood at age seven, with your damned selfish needs, but you ruined me.
Do you know I can't even hold my boyfriends hand because to me every mans hand causes destruction, do you even know I can't even kiss him, my boyfriend, the one I care for, because eight years, one month, and six days ago, you ruined everything for me, I'll probably never have a so called normal relationship because I'll get scared, because of you, because you planted in my head, that every man does wrong, and even if I don't want to do something, do you know I can't even say the word "no" , because never ever again do I want to be violated like that again.
I shouldn't have ever been violated, not at age seven, not at any age, don't you know that it ruins people? What was going through your head when you ruined my childhood, were you happy with yourself, are you happy with yourself?
