I know no one actually cares about be, its all an illusion to me, so I don't know exactly why I'm writing this, I just, I feel so alone right now, I've literally lost everyone I care about, friends, family, myself, I don't know what to do anymore, I'm just sitting here writing, and it used to help so much, I used to get it all out, just a pen and paper, and I was better, but It's not enough anymore, I want to cut, to burn, starve, I need to feel in charge again, in control of something, anything, I need to be able to feel again, I need to feel the blood running down my leg, i need to feel my flesh burn, I need to feel my stomach scream to be fed, I need to feel something, anything besides empty, and all I feel is empty anymore. I dont feel loved, I dont feel cared about. Maybe I do need help, maybe I do need to talk about it, but theres no one left, maybe I do need medication but all I'll do is over dose, still, I will do anything to feel again, all of these terrible things, I know just hurt me, but it is all I have left, my reality is that I need to feel the steel gun to my head, I want to feel the trigger, the bullet go right through my head, I want to feel death, I want to be dead, I need to know I wont have to go on again, that I wont have to carry on, all I need is to be carried on to the after life. I'm sorry.
