Troubled

Chapter 18

When Craig and I first walked hand in hand at school, I thought it would be groundbreaking.

I prepared myself for the whispers and mocks and the disdain in their faces but instead we were greeted by eyes full of excitement and smiles that could reach the stars up above.

The halls were filled with unbelievable joyful spirits.

"I told you, guys, she wasn't a monster." The freshman who spilled orange juice on me said to his friends.

I shook my head and I already feel that all of this was wrong. How can all of these people follow my orders if they aren't terrified? And, most shockingly, why are they so damn happy for me? Shouldn't they be saying something about how much hell of a life I'll be giving Craig? Craig, the hottest, most mysterious and most popular guy at school, was dating me, the most horrifying creature. It's crystal, we don't suit perfectly.

It's devastating. Having someone you really love and knowing you deserve none from their presence.

I'm a burden to my mom, that's why she left. I'm a burden to my dad, that's why he had to work his ass off day and night for money to give me. I'm a burden to these students. I'm a burden to Craig. Just me being with him scars his reputation and the people who believe in him.

I'M A PIECE OF SHIT. I'M AN ANCHOR.

I'm here but not exactly.

I'm trying to be something but I'm nothing. I try too hard.

I'm here but I shouldn't be here.

I'm with him but I shouldn't be.

And slowly, I could feel everything all at once. Like a fly hitting a windshield of a bus. I couldn't breathe.

Something brings me back.

A tiny squeeze kept me sane.

I could feel the ground again. I could feel him.

I didn't realize that we were seated at the far back of our history class.

"Whatever you are thinking always know that I love you." Craig kissed my knuckle. "I love you." And another. "I love you no matter what you think about yourself. I love you."

And I love him back. I love him more than how you travel to the moon and back. I love him.

I love him.

There's nothing more to say. I just love him.

•••

I laid on the couch as Craig settled on the bean bag. I don't like cuddling especially when Ethan, the techno-guy, downloaded The Maze Runners: Scorch Trials.

"Why do you think Wicked is good?" I popped a chip in my mouth.

Craig shrugged. "It's a company's name."

I rolled my eyes and brought my knees to my chest. I watched Dylan O'Brien, as usual, run.

Craig hopped off the bean bag and sat on the floor closer to me.