Last to Know |Bastian Schweinsteiger|

It ain't over till it's over

Bastian's POV

-Ugh, sunlight. I wasn't ready for that- Thomas mumbled when we left the hotel and headed towards our bus.

I knew exactly what he meant. I covered my face with my hands but it didn't change anything. I still felt like my head was going to explode. And I was 100% sure the pain wasn't just physical.

-I will never drink again- Toni whined after he got on the bus and collapsed on the closest seat. His face was pale and that combined with the huge, dark circles under his eyes made a perfect evidence of last night's party.

-None of you will drink again. Least not till the end of the season- Pep announced when he joined us.

He was as always wearing one of his annoyingly fitting Boss suits and a careless observer wouldn't notice anything but we all saw that his skin color turned from olive to a slightly greener one

-I honestly think about upsizing that till the end of my life- Thomas threw himself on the seat next to mine and shook his head resigned- Hangover's a mean bitch.

-Life's a mean bitch- I mumbled back and it was possibly the first thing I have said today. If you don't count all these things that flew out of my mouth during a sadly destructive conversation.

-I've been waiting all breakfast for you to say something and you say something like that? Shame on you Bastian- Thomas tried to smile but instead of that he grimaced- Will you tell me finally what happened?

-What made you think something happened?- I asked without looking at him.

-Well a) you're not talking and in your case that is something truly bizarre, b) I know you since I can only remember and...- the pause in his monologue made me turn around and face him. He didn't have to finish his sentence. Everything was written all over his face- I kinda did see you with Claudia last night and my room was right next to yours so I kinda did overhear some things and yeah.

I stopped listening when I heard Claudia's name. Of course it had to happen. A part of me was aware of that but the other part, the bigger one was shocked.

Till nobody knew I could ignore the voices in my head which screamed numerous insults that I certainly did deserve and keep acting like I haven't become everything I despised. But now, I wasn't just something I despised. I was something even my best friend despised.

-Did Lisa...- I stopped disgusted by the fact that, that was the first thing I was interested in.

-No, she doesn't even remember how we got the party. You know her, 2 beers and she's already gone- Thomas chuckled but stopped when he reminded himself what this conversation was really about.- How are you holding up?

-How am I holding up? Thomas I didn't deserve anyone to be concerned about me- I whined and buried my face in my hands.

I honestly started hating myself.

-I'm your friend and worrying about you is my duty whether you like it or not Bastian. Now get rid of that lump in your throat and tell me everything

-I don't want to pull you into my mess.

-Your mess is automatically my mess. Now, do tell- Thomas encouragingly patted my back.

-Fine- I looked around to see if somebody was listening to us but most people were already asleep. I took a deep breath and started giving everything away. Everything from the day I met the girl with the ribbon till today's morning. Our entire story-So that's how your friend turned into a soulless animal in less than couple weeks

The moment I got this out of my chest I felt like a huge stone was removed from my lungs. Apparently smartass Harvard psychologists were once again right. Secrets do destroy people and as embarrassing and cruel some of them are, revealing them can still be a much better choice.

-I know you Bastian and you are not a soulless animal. I won't lie this entire situation is intensively fucked up but even the saint made mistakes. You're not a saint anymore but you're not that big of sinner either Schweini- Thomas said and I knew he meant every single word. Paraphrasing a bit Suzanne Collins's quote I could live a hundred life times and I still wouldn't deserve a friend like this.

-I just can't believe I've become that kind of person. I never thought I will become a cheater. The 17 year old Bastian would be terribly disappointed.

-You know I always thought there are two kinds of cheating. The one that comes out of the fact that somebody thinks with his dick instead of his brain. This one is absolutely unforgivable but there's also another one which is caused by a broken heart which hasn't healed or an old love that hasn't completely faded. And you my friend belong to the second category- Thomas announced with an omniscient voice something I was too afraid to admit.

-It doesn't matter why I did that, what matters is that I did betray the woman I love.

-Are you sure about that?

-What? Of course I am, I love Sarah.

-And Claudia?

-I... I don't know- I mumbled back- You know couple years ago I thought she was the girl I wanted to spend my life with and I believed that she was my future but then we broke up and I tried to forget about her...

-But you didn't succeed.

-I couldn't forget her but I dealt somehow with that situation. I knew she will always be a part of my life but I didn't think that the moment I see her again all these feelings will come back. It was like getting hit with a jack hammer- I cringed at the reminder of how I felt when I saw Claudia in Munich.

-Maybe it's because deep down you always knew you wanted to be with her? Don't look at me like that, I'm just testing my psychological skills- Thomas quickly added when I looked at him shocked.

-Claudia's one of the most important people in my life but being with her is not easy at all. She's complicated, twisted, she always needs to have the upper hand, she doesn't trust people and wants to do everything on her own.

-You know what they say about problematic relations, it ain't over till it's over Bastian- Thomas quoted Lenny Kravitz and I couldn't help but smiling.

-You're such a girl Muller. I didn't even know you like Kravitz.

-Lisa's mom absolutely loves him and while they were visiting believe me Lenny Kravitz was the only thing you could hear in our house. Anyway coming back to your slightly twisted love life. The fact that it isn't a walk in a park doesn't make it wrong. Sometimes the greatest things take some extra hard work.

-So what? Are you saying I should be with Claudia?

-I'm saying you should be with the woman you love. So make up your mind Schweini- Thomas said a bit too loud.

Luckily we've arrived at the airport so he didn't get killed by the rest of our very sleepy and very hangovered teammates.

Through the rest of our journey I kept thinking about Thomas's words. While everyone was sleeping in the plane I tried to solve one big mystery: what did I want?

A 3 hour flight and a 30 minutes drive were certainly not enough to figure out something I didn't manage to figure out for the last couple weeks so when I was about to open the door to our house all I was praying for was Sarah's absence. I wasn't ready to look her in the eyes after what I did. I was coward but I just couldn't do that.

When I entered the house and didn't hear her I was ready to thank God for giving me at least that but then I froze. I saw something I didn't expect.

Sarah's laptop was lying on the floor and there was one headline which was shouting at me from the display.

"The Great Schweini is not a goody-goody anymore? How a hero turned into a cheater in less than one night!"

A file of fierce, red letters have turned my life from a nightmare to a living hell. And that was just the beginning.