When the Fire Ceased

Chapter 64 - Love, be my Guidance

Chapter 64

Love, be my Guidance

I love waking up with the sunlight; just suddenly opening your eyes and being welcomed by a warm light. That's how I wake up right now, and I wake from the most peaceful sleep I've ever had. I'm aware I'm waking up, though I take a little while. Once I heard that our minds sometimes take even one minute to realize they are awake. A trance in which you're not sure if you're still dreaming or you are already awake. I guess it just happened to me; in that trance, a memory from last night settles on my mind.

He was kissing my neck, and the sensation it sent through me, it was too good to be true. Being so close to him, loving him... It made me feel all kinds of things and feelings, and all of them had to do with Peeta. Even one: fear.

"Peeta?", I whispered.

"Yes?".

"I'm afraid... I'm afraid to love you", I confessed.

"I would never let myself hurt you, Katniss. I would never forgive myself if I did", he said.

"I do not fear you hurting me, Peeta.".

"Then what is it?", he said softly. And in that moment, I knew better than I ever did that I trusted him more than anyone else. More than I ever trusted anyone. I trusted him so much. I trusted him with my life, and with everything else that was more important than that.

"So many people I love have abandoned me in my life. I dread not having you with me. I could not live if you weren't with me", I said trusting him with what I had just said. Something from the deepest corners in my heart, something that I had been hiding and keeping with me from longer than I could remember.

"I would never leave you, Katniss".

"I don't want to loose you".

"You won't. I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying here, with you. Always", he promised.

So I took a risk; for the first time in my entire life I would let another feeling guide me. I would let love guide me. I would give up my fear, for once, I wouldn't let it keep me going. For once, I would let love guide me. I would let my love for Peeta become my hope.

As the memory begins to go away -to stay forever with me- I realize I'm wide awake now.

Just a thin soft sheet is covering our bodies; I'm facing the window, and I realize it's open, maybe the first night in which Peeta was not afraid.

Peeta's chest is pressed to my back, and I can feel his relaxed breath tickling my neck; his left arm is resting over my shoulder, while our hands are in an embrace before my chest.

I bite my lip trying to hide a smile as all the memories from what happened last night flash across my mind: Peeta's soft touch, our lips pressed together, bodies collapsing on the bed...

Looking back, I never saw myself in a future -if I got to had it- having a night like last night, I never imagined myself loving someone; loving someone as much as I love Peeta. I never saw myself madly in love with a boy. And I never thought it would be the boy with the bread.

"Good morning", says Peeta quietly out of the blue. But I can hear his smile.

I do not turn around, nor I let go of Peeta's hand. "Good morning", I reply with a girly smile I can't help, so I'm glad Peeta doesn't get to see it, because I'm sure I look dumb.

"I'm happy", I say before I can stop myself. And I wonder if this is actually the first time I meet genuine, true, pure happiness.

Peeta doesn't let go of my hand, but he stretches a little until he can meet my face, he plants a sweet kiss on my mouth. "I'm happy too", he says when he pulls away. I see the brightest of smiles in Peeta's lips, and I know the smile I give him back is as radiant as his.

Then for a few minutes, we just stay there in our embrace, our bodies pressed together, my back to his chest. He caresses my hair, and I realize I've never felt this warmth ever before. Having him this close, I feel like it just doesn't warm my body, but my heart and my whole being.

On the night table next to me, a little red box I hadn't seen before catches my attention. I stretch my arm out, and I take it. Then I examine it. It's a red box the size of the palm of my hand.

"What is this, Peeta?", I ask.

I feel him leaning over my shoulder, he takes a second before he responds, "That," he says, "You weren't supposed to see". He takes it from my hand.

With the sheet around my chest, I lean on my elbows and look at Peeta. He opens the box but I can't see what it has inside. Looking at the content of the red box, and smiling a little, he says, "I was planing on giving it to you last night but... I didn't want to ruin the moment", he says smiling at the box.

I smile mysteriously at him, and he turns the box around so I can see what's inside. Neatly placed on the box, there's a bracelet. It's a pearled bracelet; but the pearls follow a pattern: a polished-bright-white pearl, then a dark one, just like the one he gave me on the Quell. A white, then a black, and so on.

"Your birthday present", says Peeta with an adorable smile. I smile at him, then at the bracelet again. Peeta takes the bracelet from the box and puts it around my wrist.

"Oh Peeta, you didn't have to", I say. "I love it. It's beautiful. Thank you", I kiss him, and when I pull away I'm smiling. I feel like this smile can't leave my face, I just feel so happy. I'm so happy he's here.

I know that if I hand't confessed my feeling of fear last night to Peeta I would feel terribly afraid right now. I know that I would feel like it was a mistake, I would be blaming myself. I would be acting weird and pushing Peeta away, and that would be wrong. But now I know that that is an alternate reality, one in which I would have let fear be my fuel, and not love. And I would be afraid of the bond Peeta and I have now, but today, I embrace it. I will let it be my fuel, what keeps me going, for as long as I hope it can last.

*****

After a few kisses and giggles, we finally get up from bed. I throw my clothes on and pack what I can in the bag. Then, after having all gathered, I take a last look at the hotel's room, smiling at the memory that will stay with me forever.

We go down the elevator, and even though we are carrying the bag, the empty mockingjay's case, the painting Peeta did of me, the picnic's basket, and the doll Lily gave me yesterday, we manage to hold hands, because I'm willing to never let go of him.

And so we return to 12 and say goodbye to the Flower's Hotel and to District 11, and we head for home.

/// Feedback is as always, dearly appreciated. I hope you've enjoyed this chapter and the ones that are to come, too ///