When the Fire Ceased

Chapter 19 - Buttercup

CHAPTER 19

Buttercup

When I get home, I place my bow and arrows next to the door, I take my jacket off. Part of me is afraid, but part of me determined too, determined to go upstairs, and enter my room. I hold my breath, last time I checked, the scent of Snow's rose was still here, I know I could have imagined it, but I won't take any risks.

The little mockingjay is still on my hand, so with my other hand, I open quickly the door to my room, then I place my hand above the mockingjay, I know nothing will hurt it here, but I still make it with the purpose of protecting it.
I step in. Everything's still the same, my bed made neatly, the drawer, and my closet. I go straight to the window and open it, I breathe in fresh air.
I open my closet, it's full of clothes, most of them, Cinna's. I take a shoe box from inside it, I grab an old pair of socks too, I place the box on the bed, and inside it, I put the socks. Then, carefully, I leave the mockingjay on the box, he (or maybe it's a she) seems to like the box, he crouches on a corner. Before he get's too comfortable, with a wet cloth, I clean his wing a little, he's not bleeding anymore, and I know this won't cure him, but I may take it with a vet. When I'm done, he finally allows himself some rest. I watch him for a little while and lightly, I caress it with my index finger. He will heal, he will fly again.
I walk to the drawer and open the first bin, I take out the box, the only thing inside the drawer. I sit on the bed, the box in my lap, I know exactly what's in there, though I open it.
My father's photograph, I take it out and look at it for a moment.
My family book is there too, the book that my mom and dad made, with the medical herbs and plants we can find in the woods or the meadow, with all it's uses. The book is not finished, but the last pages were made by Peeta and I. I remember before the Quell, I hurt my ankle and couldn't walk, so my mom asked me to continue the book, I don't know how to draw, so Peeta helped me with that part; I described the flower and he drew it, I open the book and see the beautiful sketches he made. I stare at them for a while and run my fingers lightly, through the drawings.
The last things in the box are my mockingjay pin, the spike from the Quarter Quell, the locket Peeta gave me and in the very corner... the pearl. The pearl Peeta gave me on the beach. I take it out. I remember those lonely nights in District 13, how I took the pearl to my lips and whispered Peeta's name... I thought I lost him... I cried every night because I missed him, he was gone.
Did I love him?
My thoughts are interrupted by a noise I think came from outside. I walk to the window and look. Peeta's there, between my house and his, he seems to be thinking. Will he come?
He walks closer to my house, he stands there for a while, and then, he walks away and enters his house. I didn't realize I was holding my breath but I let it out.
I go back to the bed, I return the things to the box, but this time, I will take them with me; this things, even if they bring back bad memories, even if it's hard to admit... they are part of me. And they shouldn't be abandoned in a box, they should be with me.
I stand up, I turn around to look at the hallway. Across from it, there's Prim's room. I walk tentatively through the hallway.
Now, I'm standing in front of Prim's room. Slowly, I reach for the doorknob, I grab it. I'm about to open it, I take in a deep breath and then, I open it.
I step in and stay there, inside the room but not fully on it. For a moment, I feel like the war, the Quell, was all a terrible dream, something that never happened, I feel like it's a normal day... Everything in this room, is untouched, (except for a window that has been open all this time) no one has been here since the bombing of District 12. I draw in a deep breath and begin walking. I walk toward Prim's bed, it's unmade. Shakily, I run my hand through the fabric.
As I touch it, I imagine that day, the day when the Capitol, destroyed District 12.
Gale said they did it without any warning, so the alarm didn't sound, what woke my mom and sister up were the bombs... I imagine Prim, sleeping peacefully on her bed, and then the sound of a big explosion; she must have woken up immediately, she probably froze and grabbed Buttercup, just before reacting and getting out. Or maybe, Gale burst in and took my mom and sister to a safe place. The thought of Prim being terrified terrifies me, so I try to push it away though not successfully.
Fortunately, I'm snapped back into reality by a noise, I turn around and find that hateful cat, Buttercup.
At first, we just look at each other, he hisses at me, but then, his expression changes and I think he recognizes me because he walks towards me and purrs. I grab him and I sit on the rocking chair, the cat on my lap.
How has he survived all this time? Maybe because of the open window, I guess he would be outside each day, eating I don't know what, and later, returning here with the hope to find Prim.
But he never will.
"You stupid cat," I say, "Why are you here?", Buttercup looks up at me.
"You'll never find her!" I hiss.
I feel the tears coming but I hold them back, I can't cry each time I think of her, I can't, she wouldn't want that for me. I rock back and forth on the chair, eventually, I calm myself a little.
"Do you miss her?", I say softly petting Buttercup.
He gives a little cry. "I miss her too..."
"But she would like us to move on you know?", I say; the cat, listening to me silently.
"She would...", I say so quietly I can almost hear it myself.

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