May 24, 2013
Dear whomever,
Tonight is a horrible night. I feel alone; terribly alone. All of my friends are busy having fun while I sit here, feeling sad. It's hard to grasp the concept of why I am sad, but I can try. Part of me is sad because I feel lonely. I'm stuck in my room all alone and its quiet. Whenever I'm alone, I get upset. I don't like being alone, it makes me feel like I'm the only one left on the planet. It's hard being an only child also. I feel like I have no one to grow up with; no one to be by my side all of the time. Sure, I have my friends, but they'll all eventually find someone better. They'll get tired of me and leave, just like everyone else has. Being alone in general just plain sucks. It's like, sometimes I want to be alone, but I don't want to feel alone, ya know? Anyways, I'll tell you how my day went yesterday. My friend slept over, which was fun. But whenever I'm with her, I'm never genuinely happy, and I know why. My friend is perfect. She's so thin and her body is perfect. I'll just come out and say it, I'm jealous. Do you know how it feels to be best friends with someone who's so much better than you. Someone who attracts all the boys while you're just...there? Someone who looks perfect no matter what? And someone who can eat whatever they want without any regrets? It sucks, so much. What I hate the most is how she's "watching what she eats." That upsets me. If she thinks she's fat and has to watch what she eats, what does that make me. Ugh, jealousy's a dirty little sin. So yeah, my day was okay yesterday.
My head is spinning right now and I'm very tired. I don't plan on sleeping though. Sleep is for the weak. What I like to do is see how late I can stay up and then sleep all day in the morning. I know, I should wake up early and exercise or do something productive but honestly what's the point? I'm lazy and I'm proud. Well, not really. I wish I was in shape and flexible and pretty and thin and nice and cute and, sorry, I'm rambling on again. Anyways, I'm gonna go lay down and at least try to get some sleep. Maybe one of my friends will call me tomorrow and ask to do something. That would be nice. Good night.
