This Is My Life

Letter #13

July 7, 2013.

Dear whomever, 

Long time no write. I've been super busy; actually, I've just been super lazy.

On friday, I went to my friends house and it was nice. I haven't seen her in awhile so I'm glad that I finally got to see her. We went swimming all day and I got really bad sunburn. I only have myself to blame really for not putting sunscreen on. Oh well, lesson learned.

Lately I've been feeling tired. Not the sleepy kind of tired, but the "I don't really care" kind of tired. I just have no effort to do anything anymore and that's kind of sad. I turn 15 in less than six months and I'm scared. I feel like my life is moving so quickly and I've done nothing worth remembering yet. I just wish I could be young forever; but not in my teenage years. I wish I could stay nine or ten, because those we're the best years of my life. Never having regrets or trying to fit into societys defintion of perfect made my life worth living. Now, I'm torn between what to do. Teenage years are rough. I wan't to grow up, but then again, I don't. I guess I'm just afraid for the future; I'm afraid of being alone. 

~

Counseling is every two weeks now. That makes me a little bit more happy. I don't really know what to say about counseling. Is it helping? I don't really know. Nothing can help me; as crazy as that seems. My mom refuses to put me on depression pills because she knows that we can overcome this without medication, but I just don't feel like trying. Life is hard. Yes, I know that other people have it worse, but that doesn't mean my pain is just going to go away.

~

I've been writing poetry lately. It helps, more than counseling does actually. Whenever I'm sad, I write. It's like my own personal therapy. All I need is music, a notebook, a pencil, a book, and some food, and I'm all good to go. I wish I could just read for the rest of my life because it helps me escape reality. For a little while, I can see the world in a whole new way. I long for that feeling. When I'm not reading, I'm wishing I was. I get so attached to books that when I finish one I don't know what to do with myself. I become the character. I feel what they feel, I cry when they do, I get upset when they are; weird, I know. 

Anyways, I'm gonna go back to reading. I'm reading a book called "Cryer's Cross" and it's quite good so far.

Have a good day, dear friend.