World of Glass

Chapter 12

Chapter 12: Aram
Everything is wrong. My imperfections are drowning me. I'm drowning in it. I don't even remember whether it started with me or Mara but it's there. It's there and it's not going away. I'm scared. I'm not afraid to admit it. I want to scream it at him. I AM SCARED. He looks at me like I'm fragile and I want to punch the look on his face. So you care now? Where are these feelings coming from? Somewhere inside of me I know. This isn't me. These aren't my feelings. But I feel it just as strong. I'm tired. I'm tired and scared and I'm never good enough. I'm not even good enough for my own match. He can't get her out of his mind. I remember the day I found out.
••••••••••••••
She walks to me. I've never seen her before but this doesn't surprise me, I'm not especially sociable. She smiles but it's more like a grimace, like she's in pain. She beautiful, tall, slim, everything I'm not. There are tears in her eyes when she speaks, "Congratulations on your match." I look at Divad. He is staring at her from across the room. He looks pained. My heart seizes and I frown. "I'm sorry." She looks surprised, but I can see in her eyes. She knows that I know. She loves him. And he loves her. There's nothing I can do about it. I look at Ekim. It's so wrong. This is so wrong. Ekim walks over. I look at Abes. "Congratulations on yours as well." It's so wrong. Everything is so wrong. They'll never forget each other. I'll never forget Ekim. This is so wrong. I'm supposed to be happy right now. So I fake it. I smile.
•••••••••••••
I look at Divad. He's talking, I haven't been paying attention. I turn in now. "Just because you want to be sown thing that your not, you want to be her," he says. My temper flares. What does he know?!? My eyes narrow. "You wouldn't have any problem if I was Abes." His eyes widen. I recoil in shame. I used it against him. He reaches out for me. "Aram, no, it's not like-" I cut him off, "don't, just," I sigh, "don't." I curl up in a ball. He looks at me. So much emotion. Usually I would be so proud. He's finally feeling, but not now. Not this. He starts to reach out for me but then he stops. He retracts his hand and gets up, casting one more glance my way before walking out the door. This is it. He's gone. I cry. I cry like I've never cried before. I finally embrace it. Every emotion running through me. I cry in happiness and pain. I cry for all the lies. I cry for lost time.