How did this happen

Is it worth it

The day ends and I go home.
How can I live my life again
It's too much
I don't deserve to be in this world
I go to the bathroom and get my razor
I slit my wrists at least I'll die in peace
I then hear a knock on the door
"Amanda?Its Liv can I come in?"
"Just let me die!"
Oh my god she just said die what is she doing?
"If you don't open this door I'm gonna have to barge in"
I push the door open and drop my bag
"Amanda honey what did you do?"
"I (in the middle of tears) don't deserve to be here"
"Okay shshhsh"
Olivia gets a towel and applies pressure to my wrists
She also gets gauze and tapes them too.
"Come sit down Amanda"
"You can't die you have a beautiful healthy unborn baby!"
"We all into the precinct and Carisi runs over to me and looks at my wrists
"Amanda why?"
I turn away from him and he looks at me
"Amanda can I put my hands on your belly?"
I nod and I feel his hands on my stomach
I inhale sharply and exhale shakily
Carisi looks up at me and gives me a hug
I hug him back and I start to cry again
"Amanda remember you save lives everyday by taking the bad people off the street"
"I know"
"And your carrying our beautiful healthy baby"
"I'm going with Olivia today to find out the gender do you want to come"
He nodded and we left
At doctors office
"Okay so you brought the father this time"
I nodded and she put the gel on my belly
"Okay looks like you are carrying a...
"Girl!"
I cried with happiness and Carisi kissed my hand"
I smiled and the doctor cleaned up.
When the doctor left I looked at Carisi.
"We're having a girl!!"
"He smiled and kissed my belly"