"Why do you always wear that necklace?" A simple question with a complex answer that could lead me down three pathways. I could say that I just like it, and boom, the easy way out of what could be a long conversation. And it wouldn't be lying either. Or I could tell them the full truth.
My signature necklace, a medium sized gold coin. The front, the eye of Horus, the back, a winged scarab beetle taking flight. Just the symbols themselves have meaning in egyptian mythology but for me, it runs deeper than that. Egyption mythology says that the eye of horus symbolizes healing and protection, this much, I believe is true but... there's a hidden meaning that only few could understand
It was the same necklace that my stepfather gave me before he vanished from my life completely. Some may ask, "If you hate him so much, then why are you wearing that necklace?". My answer, power. Gives light to all of the hardships I've endured for him, all of the scars that I've made because of it. Symbolizing all of the pain I had when he threw me on the path of broken glass alone. Symbolizing the struggle I had when swimming to the surface, through his hurtful words I almost drowned in.
He had no right to do this to me, no one does but he did it anyway. His constant drinking spoke for his actions and destroyed me emotionally for awhile, still some repercussions linger today but, it's fine now, it's over. Words that I've wanted to speak from the day I met him.... It's.... Finally..... Over.
That's not all that I chose to represent myself, as most of you know already. If it is a classmate reading this, y'all should remember the moon bracelet I wore for a month straight until it sadly broke, god I loved it soooo much.
In many of these chapters or if you've been following me around with my writings, you would know that the moon plays a big part in my life. Looking to it in the dead of night when I had no motivation and determination left, it gave me hope and was a best friend to me. The telling of secrets and dreams is what usually took place, and the regaining of hope. In some ways, I am the moon. Being ok with the dark and mysterious, being ok with the unknown
I feel like in this way, I'm an explorer. Sometimes finding myself trying to shove myself in someone's life because they intrigue me. I know it's wrong and that space is a good thing but.... I can't help myself sometimes. Having conversations with, who I think is the meanest person in school, just to pick his brain and understand why he's this way. What's even stranger is, he's not mean, he can't be mean because he has friends. Not fake one's either, the friends that would stick by you until the very end.
Somethings, I guess, are beyond my understanding and it all ends with acceptance.
YOU ARE READING
My Confessional
Non-FictionWriting a memoir at only fifteen years old has taught me a lot. Giving me the time to reflect on the lessons I learned the hard way and the mistakes I've made thus far. I learned, if there is at least two sides to every story, there is at least two...
