What Not To Do On Wattpad

1) Fanfics

Okay, so I have absolutely nothing against fanfics. In fact, I really think they are something different from the usual. But now of course, my opinions have changed, completely. People are going on writing all their midnight fantasies in their fanfics. I mean seriously, do you really need to put all that you do in dreams with the celebrities in your fanfics? For example, if your long time crush is Harry Styles, do you really need to write about doing ‘you-know-what’ with him.

Okay, I have absolutely nothing against ‘you-know-what’. Like come on, that’s the way we all are born. But at least don’t mention every single frigging detail! It disgusts the readers to continue reading. Well if you are going to write about such stuff, then make sure to categorize it under R-Rated book. Or at least warn the readers before you write the particular chapter. You don’t want people throwing up on their computer screens, do you?

The first time I opened my account on wattpad, I was amazed to see so many fanfics here. I mean, there were like 2,000+ pages filled with fanfics. Most of them were Justin Bieber and One Direction. I had never read a fanfic ever in my life, believe it or not. So I decided to take a chance. But trust me, that was the biggest mistake I ever made! And by biggest I mean ‘BIGGEST’!

I agree some of them are actually good. Like for example, a fanfic about one direction called, ‘A Big Fat Indian Wedding With One Direction’. The title itself lured me towards the book and I admit, I fell in love with the book. It was written in a complete Bollywood-filmy style which I love immensely. If you want, just go to my ‘Favourites’ list right now and check out that book.

Let me describe to you about one of the fanfic I read about Justin Bieber. (big mistake)

#Fanfic 1

I never had planned on reading the story, because just by looking at how horrifying the title looked, I couldn’t get myself to read the story. I wouldn’t mention the title here, because I read this a year back and I don’t remember the title so clearly, all I know that its really big.

 But I finally gathered up courage and started reading the story.

This was a story about a girl called Kelsey (the writer in the story wrote it as ‘Kelsie’ and it was obvious that the girl was so dumb that she couldn’t even write the correct spelling)

In the first part she described how she was friends with Christen Beadles (Justin Bieber’s close friend). He had called her in the park to meet someone special and she had agreed to it. When she arrived at the park, she realized that Christen wanted to introduce her to none other than Justin Bieber (duh!). With the horrible vocabulary and Grammar, the story was becoming practically impossible to read. It had an awful amount of smileys and all other emoticons that are used while chatting which was completely and utterly annoying and making it more and more difficult for me to read. But I really wanted to know what the story is so I could have my own laugh at it; I continued reading it.

Then she described how Justin Bieber called her beautiful and all other crap, and how she blushed. I had to roll my eyes at the stupidity of the writer. And you want to know what Christian said, “Dude, she’s my girlfriend, so back off!”

Right!

You know what the weird thing is, no one in the park freaked out when Justin Bieber arrived. Just tell me one god damn place where some celebrity arrives and no one runs behind him/her! I would like to say to this to the writer- Dude, celebrities don’t usually go to public places, because if they do, then 110% they’ll either get crushed by people or probably even die in the stampede caused by over-obsessed fans. Even if it some person without any talent like Kim Kardashian, people will still run behind her for autographs (sad reality). If you don’t have this much of common sense, well then something is definitely wrong with your brain. Get it checked.

Resuming with the story, they all planned on going to some roller coaster. Really? Did you ever see a roller coaster in a friggin’ park? It might be an amusement park, but the writer should mention it if it is, which she apparently didn’t.

The roller coaster started. The girl was seated in between, with Justin and Christian on either side. And then she mentioned how she was not at all scared and how Justin Bieber looked scared and had a tight grip on her hand. God! What are you trying to tell the readers, exactly?!

 And how she tried to remove it from his grasp but the grip was pretty tight. Ok, so any other normal girl would completely freak out if Justin Bieber held her hand tightly as if his life depended on it. And by ‘any normal girl’ I mean some belieber. The writer clearly mentioned in the beginning that ‘Kelsie’ was a belieber This clearly showed the writer was obviously some random girl, obsessed with Justin Bieber, who was playing hard to get and was highly deficient in common sense.

Ok, proceding to the story, the ride was over and  Chritian went to get some popcorns. The Justin Bieber tried to make a conversation with Kelsie, but she was not interested. Wow! just great, isn’t it. Picture this: You are a major Rusher. And you have a crush on Logan. And suddenly one day your best friend surprises you and makes you meet Big Time Rush in a park where Logan tries to make a conversation with you. What would you do? Think about it. Its obvious to a dead man that you would love to chat. Especially when your celebrity crush is trying to talk to you. Its not everyday that you find celebrities coming and chatting with you. Most probably you’d be freaking out like a beggar who just won a million dollar lottery! Or fangirling.

But anyways, like I said. She was not interested. And then Justin Bieber asks for her number which she gives it to him. Dude, you just said you don’t want to talk to him?!

Christian returns and then they say goodbye to Justin before heading home. Wow! Awesome! Fabulous! Please note this sarcasm.

And then suddenly, the writer shows, the next day, she gets to know that Chaz Somers goes to her school (isn’t it awesome?! *Sarcasm*) And they both talk and talk and talk, and then Chaz asks her to ditch school and go with him for a long drive. And she agrees. Wait a minute, didn’t you just mention that you have a boyfriend?!

And then, BOOM! They meet with an accident. Turns out Chaz is a rich guy. Someone calls the ambulance and both of them are transferred to the hospital. When the girl gets up she starts asking the doctor where Chaz is when they say that he’s in the other room, and hospitalized due to bad injuries.

And then suddenly Justin walks in. How he got to know about this, God only knows! So Justin starts asking how she is feeling and stuff. Lets skip this part.

Meanwhile, Kelsie calls Christian to tell him about her current condition. Christian reaches the hospital within minutes. And then starts hugging her and crap like that. And then Kelsie says that she’s hungry and asks Christian to buy her something to eat since hospital food sucks that much.

Did you realize anything? Always, it is Christian who is sent to buy food. In the park, and even here. Again I’m confused on who’s her real boyfriend. I mean, shouldn’t Jusin be the one to do all this?! But anyways, taking into consideration the writer’s the dumbest girl ever born on the face of earth, such mistakes are acceptable………………NOT!

Oh and you know what happens next, Christian goes to McDonald’s and suddenly he meets Selena there. And if the writer expects me to say that this is something, “Oh my God! You have a creative mind!” Then please, for the love of oreos, go and consult a pschatrist.

Oh and you know what happens after that? Guess guess….

Christian and Selena hook up and have sex! Wow, This story is just amazing. I hope you notice the sarcasm dripping from every freaking sentence.

And when Kelsie gets to know about this, she goes and sits in a room and cries.

Please…I didn’t have the energy to read any further.

Oh and you know what the author’s name is?

Kelsie

Shocker there? I don’t think so.