Obsession

Chapter 1 - Homecoming

Daddy's on his way

hip hip hooray

he will be home today

Who is this lady with my eyes? I have never been introduced, but she is all over the house. She appears to be a happy soul. Her smile often reaches her eyes. The only time I have seen her cross is at Daddy, she often glares at him. I ask Nanny, she always gets a faraway look and says "Rosa, ask your Dad." I have asked Daddy but he gets a pained, closed off expression, and retires early. I am not told of just no bedtime story that night. Eventually, I learn there is no point in asking.

I go over to check Nanny's schedule, she likes to keep us running like clockwork - hang on - What date is this? 15th April - My heart leaps. I remember my Daddy comes home today and he has promised me an extra special surprise, if he gets a good report about me from Nanny, that is. I feel like I am bursting at the seams. I try to read the clock but have not fully grasped the skill, yet. I think it says two o'clock, if I am correct there's only an hour to go, it feels like an eternity.

Nanny has put all my stuff in my upstairs room, which means Daddy will not be alone and I will have to be extra quiet until he calls me. I usually hate retiring to my room but today I do not mind as much as the thought of the surprise is quelling a usually boisterous and long tantrum.

Nanny tries to calm me and has me safely occupied in my room with paper and pen. My hand as per usual has a mind of its own guiding itself over the page. I try to capture the lady, her image is on various walls and windowsills but they do not reflect my view of her, I want to trap how I see her. She is always happy when Daddy's not here but when he is about her expression becomes worried.

If I happen to catch her eyes on me, she tries to hide it with a disarming smile but on these occasions, it always skirts around but misses her eyes.

Oh, he is here, I can hear the car pull up outside. I wish I could reach the window to catch a glimpse of Daddy and hopefully my surprise. However, I remember the last time he caught me trying to get to the window; I was not allowed out of my room for what felt like a lifetime. The window was taped over after that but Nanny takes it down now and again when she knows he is away for a while. I barely saw him, none of our just him and Rosalind time. I was crushed no matter what I love my Daddy.

Nanny rocked me each night reciting my favourite poem she wrote called Sweet Dreams, and the lady hummed until my sobbing was finally overcome by exhaustion.

Sweet Dreams

Moonbeams

Sweet dreams

Lullabies

Sleepy eyes

Bedtime story

Jackanory

Wrapped up tight

Kiss goodnight

Bed bugs bite

Not tonight

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I have an ear pressed to the door but all I am able to hear is muttering and mumbling noises, nothing to tell one from the other. I will never forget the one time that I quietly crept down when Daddy had a visitor, a woman; I recall her being all sparkly. When Daddy espied me over her shoulder, he excused himself and brought me back upstairs to Nanny. He awoke Nanny abruptly, shaking her, and said she better sort herself out and it was never to happen again. Poor Nanny, it was now my turn to rock her back to sleep. I never did see the woman again.

Music, that means Daddy's in great form, oh he has put on Papa Loves Mambo, and he always dances to this one. That means it is going to be a fun few days, yippee. I will dress up special, as Daddy likes it when his little Rosalind has made an effort to look good for him. I do not feel like it when I know he is not in a good place. I sneak over to my wardrobe. The one good thing about this room is that Daddy has filled it with clothes, shoes, toys, anything my little heart could desire. Anything, except for the company, that comes in the shape of Nanny, and the enigmatic lady whom hardly ever says a word just watches and reacts. I pick my favourite pink dress. Daddy always likes it as well, so it is a winner. I grab my brush and rush to the mirror.

Oh, no, I have lost a big clump of hair again. Nanny always cries when this happens. I know, I will borrow her hair clip, cover that bit, and flush the hair down the toilet. She will never know, not today, anyway.

I am ready, wired, anticipation oozes from every single pore. Is Nanny going to come and get me sooooon? A door closes in the distance. I bet that means the visitors are leaving, brilliant, I get to see my Daddy now.

I hear raised voices - but I thought everyone else had gone? Oh, it's Nanny and she is angry "No, it goes back right now. It's bad enough you keep the child locked away, but this is just cruel to both of them."

They must have shut a door because it is gone back to just background noise. What could it possibly be? Curiosity is eating away at my insides and curling them into a tight ball. Oooh come on Nanny I want to know, this minute.

************

"It stays, Nanny, you look after it just as well as you look after Rosalind or you go. Do you understand? Am I making myself clear?"

He inhales, audibly, usually a sign to exit quickly. Nevertheless, I persist, for once.

"It will need walking and fresh air. It is a spaniel for god sake they need constant attention they are hyperactive. How am I supposed to take care of that and Rosalind? She is poorly at the best of times, Sir."

"Will you leave me alone? Blimey, you cannot half harp on, incessant, in fact. I swear you may take her outside, that you will not hear a single word of gripe or complaint as long as she, you, or the dog are never too rambunctious or overtly loud to draw undue attention to yourselves. Will that enable you to give my head some peace from your incessant nagging and whingeing? Rosalind is loved by me more than life itself and nothing, I mean nothing, gets to harm one hair on her head, you got that Nanny, is that absolutely and abundantly clear, this time? I trust I will not have to mention it again."

I do not know who he thinks is going to espy us when were stuck in the middle of nowhere but bite my tongue.

"Oh, it's a blessed day, Sir, thank you, Sir, shall I fetch her? I know she is going to be over the moon."

"Give me another half an hour Nanny, go up, and make sure she's okay. I have no idea what she is getting up to, left to her own devices. How's she been?"

"Beside herself with excitement which grows as your time of arrival gets nearer. She counts the days until you come back, sir."

"That's nice to hear, thank you, Nanny."

"You're welcome, Sir."