Obsession

Chapter 11 - Confrontation

The end is nigh

do or die

Heather dear, you are being extremely rash, although others would say it is about time. You know things have gone too far when your charge is literally knocking at death's door. All down to your employer's schizophrenia, paranoia, whatever he has, or maybe just overdosing on the Laudanum may cause his madness. I am no psychiatrist or doctor but he has something abnormal going on, that's just a fact.

How far I have come in the last six years, I would never have thought of questioning authority no matter what back then. I stood there a quivering and emotional wreck, so grateful to be out of the orphanage full of fear but hopeful for a better future. I could not believe the huge silver grey house named Thorndale and nearly the same size as the orphanage, only housed two people. Its grim looking façade shrouded in oak trees did not deter me it just seemed like such utter decadence. Its isolation was just what I needed after a lifetime of boarding with other orphans like myself. We had absolutely no idea when someone left, who our next roommate was going to be, or even if it was only going to be one. I had no way of knowing then that this awe-inspiring house was not even half as imposing, or as enveloping as my new employer and charge were going to be. Alternatively, that the house's isolation, helped its owner's unique needs, it must have been handpicked. There were many pluses when I first arrived, my own room and I only had to look after one person besides myself. I only had to mention that I needed something for Rosalind or myself and it promptly was delivered. It was certainly an aphrodisiac to a girl who has had no frills, just the basics, to have anything she wanted. I took everything like an addict always waiting for these new joys to be taken away. Other issues surpassed these things like all novelties in time. My permanent addiction was and is my love for Rosa. I could not believe how much I fell for her.

I snap myself out of my reminiscing that is all in the past my goal now is to sort out a decent future for me, Rosa and Molly. They are both such a source of strength.

Their illnesses have forced my hand I cannot wait for things to get better any more. Whatever actions I decide, they have to be taken and fast.

I open the door to the drawing room slowly leaving it ajar, so I can hear his approach if he decides to check up on me. What was it again? Anniversary or birth date, birth date, wasn't it, yes that is it. Hurry up Heather come on, move faster. I get the key and then clean around, quickly. No blooming key, what the hell? What do I do now?

Oh, no he is coming down the stairs, what is going on now? I have a feeling I am in deep trouble.

He barges through the door and I nearly faint with fright.

"What's wrong Nanny, or Heather, is it? Certainly not the name I was given when I sourced you originally. I believe your name was Carmel back then, was it not? Why do you think I picked you? Did you not think I researched you thoroughly Nanny before you ever stepped foot inside this house. I got all my staff out of the orphanage as they were always so grateful to get out of there, vulnerable, scared and no-one looking for them. I had to be careful whom I picked to look after Rosalind though. Little orphan Carmel was perfect, no family, no friends, you could not wait to leave that orphanage and everyone in it behind you. Just the sort of person I needed. I nearly did not pick you though purely because of your good looks, I thought they might have brought unwanted attention and that hair, deep copper that grabs the eye. You were dressed in pale yellow if I remember correctly and seemed so fragile. I was wrong on that score, you are stronger than even you, yourself know. The praise of the nuns and the high price I had to pay, their reluctance to let you go, told me I had made the right choice. They fought but everyone has a price eventually. At the beginning, all I had to give you was perfume and treats to keep you in line Nanny. You have become more troublesome to me as time has progressed. You could not stay content, could you? Always bloody pushing if not for yourself, it was for Rosalind. I expected this mutiny a long time ago Nanny. I hope you do not mind if I call, you Nanny do you. It is just that I get confused so easily these days.

"Sir! How are Rosalind and Molly? We had better not leave them too long, especially when they are both recovering."

"Ah Rosalind, I never expected that Nanny, that you would grow to love her nearly as much as I do. You do, don't you? Rosalind and Molly are fine; I've given them something to help them sleep so that you and I can have this conversation in peace, Nanny."

"Can I go check on them, Sir, I'll be straight back?"

"Nanny, dear Nanny, you, and I both know that you'd be gone out the front door faster than a cat about to be washed. No, I have told you, they are both fine, stop worrying. If it is one thing you should be sure of by now, it is that I would never purposely harm my Rosalind. You have opened my eyes that Molly is a necessary part of Rosalind's well-being she adores her.

Because of that adulation, she will be getting all my due care from now on; you can be assured of that. I am going to take you upstairs to Sonya's room and mine. Since she has been gone I chase my darker days, drug induced, I am constantly in a haze. Is that not why you are here? I assume you were looking for this key."

He dangles it from his wrist, in slow motion, like a hypnotist's tool.

"How did you! -" I am cut off mid query.

"How did I know, dear Nanny, this house has cameras all over the place, but mainly in Sonya's eyes. Did you never feel her gaze on the back of your neck? Sense a presence in the air. I feel it frequently, or maybe that is just my madness and me. I often find the silence of the shadows deafening. Sonya has never left this house, Nanny, which is why in turn Rosalind and therefore I will never leave. Rosalind cannot leave because then Sonya would have no attachment to this place. I am under no illusion that my love for her, or hers for me, would be enough to keep her here. Rosalind is a different story. We are all in our own way trapped, Nanny."

It is all starting to make sense now all the times he came home earlier than planned. The occasion I had opened the window and let Rosa sing to the stars, or the time I let her out into the garden, and that weird frequent sensation of being watched. A feeling that I could never quite explain away, constantly hanging over me.

"You've been watching me with her all along, haven't you? You're completely paranoid."

"Of course, I have Nanny, and yes I am. She is my sole purpose for living; I do not trust her with anyone, not completely. You, Nanny I trusted as much as I can anyone besides myself, until about three minutes ago that is. I promised Sonya I'd protect her, and protect her I do, I love her."

"It's a twisted, perverted, sick love."

"Don't you think I know that Nanny? Sonya has been telling me for years. However, you see if I let Rosalind out of this house, then Sonya would leave me, I could not have that. She was, is, and will always be mine."

"Sonya and Rosalind are not your property, you have to let her go, let her rest in peace, and let Rosalind have some normality. Surely somewhere, deep down you must realize that."

"Shall we go, Nanny? This conversation is getting rather tiresome, I want to bring you where you wanted to go perhaps afterwards you'll understand me better."

I do not think I will ever understand him fully, but there is no point in fighting any more. I realize this is the end of the line; whatever happens tonight will end this, whatever this is, forever.