Obsession

Chapter 13 - Unfettered

Out at last

freedom

who will we become?

"Daddy's gone on one of his trips, darling. How's about me and you go wake up Molly and take her for a walk to a much bigger outside, doesn't that sound good. Daddy said it was okay. He said Molly is getting too big for that little patch. Is that all right with you?"

"Alright Nanny, she's such a sleepy head today. Are you hurt Nanny? You're bleeding."

"No darling, I had an accident with the whisk. Tomato juice all over me, I am completely covered. A silly moo, aren't I?"

She titters. "Yes, you are. Molly, wake up, we are going on a walk. Come on; hurry up before Nanny has a change of mind."

I smile at that with the relaxed regime around here for a while she has become cheekier. It is great her personality is starting to come through and she is an absolute sweetheart. I cannot wait for her to grow and emerge into the special young woman I know she is going to become.

We stroll down the stairs as if we have not a care in the world and right now, I do not. The worst and best have already happened. Sonya has given her blessing and said George with her help and in a drunken stupor signed over guardian rights to me a long time ago. I found them in the dressing table where the gun had been, along with trust fund details for Rosa, which he had placed in my name in the case of his demise. It came to the grand sum of 30,000 pounds, with a proviso that it all goes to Rosa in the event of my own demise. Sonya made sure I found it securing her daughter's financial future and mine. I bet she also knew, even when I did not, why I put the bullets in the gun. I thought I had been dreaming or that I had been sleepwalking to the drawing room. Now I know different. I notice that every single picture has been turned upside down, must be some spiritual sign. I smile Sonya's antics do not perturb me whatsoever, not now.

We now have a chance of a life together, Rosa and I. I will do my best to make it a happy one. When the time comes, and it will, unless there is something wrong, I will let Rosa go. My job now is to give her freedom and the strength and self-esteem I never had.

We are outside unfettered from the claustrophobic clutches of George and Thorndale. Rosa turns and waves.

"Who are you waving at, dear?"

"The lady, she's crying, but her smile is reaching her eyes. So she'll be okay."

"Good to know."

I hope they both find some sense of peace, I mused silently. George has certainly got his wish, he and Sonya, together forever. Sonya, hopefully, got hers knowing that Rosa is finally free.

I am in a daze it must be delayed shock. I take one last look at our prison and jump back but try to turn it into a game, as I do not want Rosa to see. Thorndale is enveloped in flames, Sonya's doing I bet, there will be no evidence now except what I grabbed on the way out of Thorndale. I check - trust fund, paperwork, and guardian papers - all I need. Our story is mine now to write. I have no idea where we are going or what we are going to do when we get there. For now, I am relieved were all safe and away from our unhealthy situation. The journey is slow although the fresh air has perked Rosa and Molly up a bit. They are still a wee bit drowsy, probably just as well, I feel the same, and I have not been given anything. It is a good thing right now because I have had enough histrionics for a long while.

I will walk until we can flag someone down or find a property with a phone. I had always thought that I would have to hand Rosa and myself over to the appropriate authorities if we ever escaped. Money, as I have learnt, can buy silence and I think we can now bypass that. I am exactly what he said I was, straight out of an orphanage and into his world and alternative existence, a lost and wounded soul. I have no idea where to start spending the money and want a clean bill of health, nothing hanging over us. For all, they know this little girl has never existed, died along with her mother in childbirth. I am guessing that was what George told people. He must have paid the doctor a large sum to say nothing and stay away. How much does it cost to keep a life hidden? A secret, no amount of money in this universe could have brought my silence. Well, that is what I used to think now I do not know. So who am I to judge? I have kept his secret too, and some will say the same thing, that he must have bought me off, paid for my silence, they would be wrong. My crime was fear, but if I am honest, fear of being destitute did come into play, the survival instinct is in us all, and I am only human. Can you be punished for being afraid? Vulnerable? Sailing on someone else's tide, not knowing when it was in or out, I was afraid of losing Rosa, and also of losing the privilege of having a room and space to myself.

I was an unpaid nanny and skivvy to about a dozen or so charges before arriving here. I selfishly did not want to lose any newfound freedom I had found. They will forgive me that, won't they?

It dawns on me that I have been locked up all my life. As far back as I can remember it anyway, just as much if not more than Rosa. My captors were the Sisters of Mercy, mercy that is laughable as the last thing they ever showed me was mercy. Rules, yes, beatings, yes, chores, yes but never, ever, mercy. I have a vague image of a man who visited me there when I was young, younger than Rosa was. Who he was I could not tell you. If he was my father, he did not hang around for long. I suspect I was the product of a hidden coupling and neither party had the desire or was able to own up and rear me.

Whatever happens, I will never willingly be apart from Rosa until it is her own decision.

She has saved me just as much as I saved her, a way will have to be found to make us work as a family because from her I will not be parted. I am sure she would not want us to be which is helping to wipe clean my slate of self-esteem issues. I will always doubt that someone, anyone can love me half as much as I love him or her. The legacy of being brought up by cruel nuns picking and degrading every thought and action will do that to a girl.

Molly barks and chases a butterfly. Rosa's face is priceless. She stands transfixed, gawping in awe. I wish I had a camera, that is my first purchase when were settled. I want to capture every moment. I am humbled in that second by the great responsibility I have taken on my shoulders. I can no longer blame Sir, I mean George, for whatever happens to this gorgeous little girl, from now on.

The responsibility is all mine and in a strange way that has given me more freedom than I have ever had. Sonya has given me the greatest gift, the ability to finally, truly love this person as my own. I will always treasure her, but also try to give her all the respect and freedom she deserves.

"Oh! Nanny, what is it?"

Rosa points still transfixed by the butterfly "Isn't it fabulous?"

"Yes it is Rosa one of the many wonders of the beautiful outside it's called a butterfly."

"Can we catch it, Nanny?"

"No darling, it wants to roam free just as nature intended it."

"Tell Molly to leave it, alone Nanny, he'll frighten the flutterby."

"It's a butterfly Rosa dear, but I think for ever more, inside, I will see it as a flutterby."

"So many colours it has, Nanny."

"Yes, a myriad."

"What's a myriad?"

I am stopped from answering by the sight of the butterfly landing on Molly's nose. She just stands there looking perplexed, and sooo cute, a gentle soul if ever there was one.

"Rosa look, quickly at Molly and the butterfly."

She giggles and runs to approach Molly and her new acquaintance the butterfly. Molly thinks it is a game and rolls over, of course, the butterfly is gone.

"Ah, it's gone Nanny, the naughty Molly."

"It's okay Rosa Molly's just playing, there will be plenty more."

"I love outside Nanny, and so does Molly and Nanny I love you."